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Marketing Jokes
Posted By: sriedel on 6/26/2006 10:12 PM (CST) 2000 Points
Hello All,

Just thought it might be time for us to have a little fun with everyone's best marketing joke or story.

Points to all who contribute to this post.

Here is mine..

NEW WINDOWS

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive
double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the
contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year,.....namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooooo? It's been a year! (I told him.) There was only silence at the
other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.... He never called back.

Guess I won that stupid argument. I bet he felt like an idiot.

Posted by: jpoyer Accepted Answer
6/26/2006 10:35 PM (CST)
Forget "The Mac is Not A Typewriter" ...

The Real Graphic Design Rules

1. Your fonts will default to the worst possible font available on the machine you are showing your work on.

2. The less time you have the more useless your computer will become.

3. If you have two versions of a photo, the wrong one will make its way to the printer.

4. Promises made by the sales staff have no basis in reality.

5. The sales staff will promise anything.

6. If the text consists of two words, one will be misspelled.

7. Speed. Quality. Affordability. Pick two.

8. If the run is wrong, it's never the press operator's fault.

9. Spell checkers don't.

10. Grammar checkers don't, either.

11. Proof raeders are useless. (ha ha)

12. Global search-and-replaces aren't.

13. The index entry you leave out will be the first one the client looks under.

14. Optical Character Recognition (OCR) is good comedy.

15. If three designs are shown to a client, your least favorite will be chosen, or any combination of worst components of each.

16. If two designs are shown, a third will be requested. If provided, then one of the first two will be chosen.

17. If you ask for more copy, it will be sent as a Jpeg. If you ask for images they will send powerpoint presentations.

18. Clients don't have their company logo in a usable print ready format so don't bother asking.

19. Blue line proofs reveal previously invisible errors.

20. The best designs never survive contact with the client.

21. You will misspell the name of the client's spouse.

22. Your best idea is already copyrighted.

23. The best way to find errors in your code is to show a client "a new feature."

24. There is no stock photo ever made that matches the image you have in your head.

25. Creative inspiration flows in inverse proportion to the distance from the studio.

26. Time allowed to complete work is inversely proportional to time taken by client to work out what to complain about.

27. My personal favorite: Doctors, astronauts, and plumbers need training to do their jobs, but anyone with a computer is a graphic designer.

28. No matter how detailed the tech support FAQs are, nobody has ever heard of your problem.

29. The number of colors in a client's design will equal the number of colors in the original bid specs, plus two.

30. The client's disk won't run on your equipment and when it does, it will contain unusable copyrighted images

31. If you purchase new equipment to read your client's disk, it will be the last disk of that type you will ever receive.

32. Your client will often not like your design but not quite know why.

33. Computer crashes always happen exactly 30 seconds before saving.

34. A client who knows exactly what he wants is worse than one that has no idea.

35. Clients who do not provide content upfront will complain about the use of Lorem Ipsum.

36. Everything has to be done immediately, deadlines are incredibly important unless client has to provide materials or approve your work.

37. There are at least five things you could think to add to this list if only you had more time.

Cheers!

Jennifer
XPRT Creative
 
Posted by: deedee Accepted Answer
6/27/2006 12:25 AM (CST)
Failures by many famous brands have become the laughing point of marketing fraternity.

For example, in Taiwan Pepsi’s slogan ‘Come alive with the Pepsi generation’ was translated as ‘Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead’.
The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."

When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that "nova" means "it won't go." After the company figured out why it wasn't selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.

Ford had a similar problem in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for "tiny male genitals". Ford pried all the nameplates off and substituted Corcel, which means horse.

Toyota’s Fiera car did not take off as expected in Puerto Rico, where ‘fiera’ translates to ‘ugly old woman’.
Check out more such faux pax at http://www.learnenglish.de/Level1/Extras/HorrorMistakes.htm
 
Posted by: pank575 Accepted Answer
6/27/2006 3:18 AM (CST)
While surfing the web, I found this funny piece, related to marketing-

An interoffice softball game was held every year between the Marketing Department and support staff of one company.

The day of the game, as hard as the Marketers tried, the support staff whipped the Marketing Department soundly.

In their best tradition, the Marketing Department decided to find the best "spin" they could on the dismal result. They showed how they earn their keep by posting this memo on the bulletin board after the game:

"The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the recently-completed Softball Season, we came in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year.

The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game all year."
 
Posted by: MANSING Accepted Answer
6/27/2006 3:35 AM (CST)
Hi Sriedel,

The list of marketing jokes for you!

1. You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Direct Marketing.

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed."
- That's Advertising.

3. You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Telemarketing.

4. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Public Relations.

5. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
- That's Brand Recognition.

6. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend.
- That's a Sales Rep.

7. Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
- That's Tech Support.

8. You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
- That's Spam.

9. A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem. The software manager says: "I can't do anything about this - it's a hardware problem."

The hardware manager says: "Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself." The marketing manager says: "Hey, 75% of it is working - let's ship it!"

10. An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding.

The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed some people that remarked: "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk!

Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story? In Marketing, if you try to please everyone, you might as well... Kiss you’re a** good-bye.

I hope this will help!

Regards,

M Bhor

Website:

http://www.marketingprofs.com/ea/qst_question.asp?qstID=10159
 
Posted by: Emi_C Accepted Answer
6/27/2006 3:39 AM (CST)
A few things that will make you laugh, hopefully :)

1. New and improved? If something is new, it couldn't have been improved. If something is improved, it can't be new. ???

2. Research findings from an English University:

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

3.New warning labels:
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what in the world happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

Ever wonder what all those advertising terms really mean?
NEW - Different color from previous design.
ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.
FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.
ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.
REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.
MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.
MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.
SOLID-STATE - Heavy as hell.

A Mother had three virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"!

Mum was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop”.

Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Rothmans". Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack: "Extra Long. King Size"

She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mum waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South African Airways”

Mum took out her latest Hello! magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the add for SAA.

The ad said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

Mum fainted!

Hope you had a laugh, now back to business!
Kisses,
Emi
 
Posted by: MANSING Accepted Answer
6/27/2006 3:51 AM (CST)
Hi Again,

Two women were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all John and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds."

"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.

"Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."

Marketing moral: Ya gotta have a goal!

Regards,

M Bhor
 
Posted by: Evantech Accepted Answer
6/27/2006 5:47 AM (CST)
Advertising & Marketing Fundas
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends approaches her, points at you and says, "He's fantastic in bed."
That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You approach her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You approach her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
Now That's Brand Recognition!

Have a nice day ;)
Evantech
 
Posted by: pank575 Accepted Answer
6/27/2006 5:52 AM (CST)
Hi again!

A Marketing Consultant employed by KFC gained an audience with the Pope, and offered him a million dollars if he would change 'The Lord's Prayer' from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused the offer.

Two weeks later, the consultant offered the Pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the generous offer.

Another week later, the consultant offered the Pope 20 million dollars, and finally the Pope accepted.

The following day, the Pope briefed his staff.

"I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!'
 
Posted by: Evantech Accepted Answer
6/27/2006 6:16 AM (CST)
hi again:
A man is looking in the classified ads for a job. He notices an advertisement for a toothbrush salesman and figured that couldn't such a bad job. So, he calls in, he goes in and they hire him. The next day, he heads out to a neighborhood to make some sales. Five hours later he comes home and says, "Man, I only sold one toothbrush. That's not enough"

So the next day he goes to a richer neighborhood, thinking maybe those people would buy more toothbrushes. He ends up selling two toothbrushes. So he goes to his boss for advice and his boss says, "Look, you're a great guy and all, but you gotta come up with a gimmick or something."

So, the salesman thinks about it and, later that night, he finally comes up with one.

So the next day, he sets up a booth near the subway with a sign that says "Free chips and dip" A guy walks over and puts the chip in the dip and says, "This tastes like shit."

And the salesman replied, "Yeah, it is. Wanna buy a toothbrush?
 
Posted by: skoobie99 Accepted Answer
6/27/2006 8:00 AM (CST)
Here's one that relates to life in the office -

Best "Out of Office" Automatic e-mail Replies
--------------------------------------
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.)
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
9. I've run away to join a different circus.
10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Scott'.

:-) John
 
Posted by: alyson Accepted Answer
6/27/2006 8:07 AM (CST)
When a young marketer met his untimely end, he was informed that he had a choice about where he would spend his eternity: Heaven or Hell. He was allowed to visit both places, and then make his decision afterwards.

"I'll see Heaven first," said the salesman, and an angel led him through the gates on a private tour. Inside it was very peaceful and serene, and all the people there were playing harps and eating grapes. It looked very nice, but the salesman was not about to make a decision that could very well condemn him to so sedate an eternity.

"Can I see Hell now?" he asked. The angel pointed him to the elevator, and he went down to the Basement where he was greeted by one of Satan's loyal followers. For the next half hour, the salesman was led through a tour of what appeared to be the best night clubs he'd ever seen. People were partying loudly, and having a, if you'll pardon the expression, Hell of a time.

When the tour ended, he was sent back up where the angel asked him if he had reached a final decision.

"Yes, I have," he replied. "As great as Heaven looks and all, I have to admit that Hell was more of my kind of place. I've decided to spend my eternity down there."

The salesman was sent to hell, where he was immediately thrown into a cave and was chained to a wall, and he was subjected to various tortures. "When I came down here for the tour," he yelled with anger and pain, "I was shown a whole bunch of bars and parties and other great stuff! What happened?!"

The devil replied, "Oh, that! That was just the Marketing Presentation"
 
Posted by: marilia.zanim Accepted Answer
6/27/2006 8:56 AM (CST)
Hello!

This is something that happen to me:

When I got married, we bought kitchen cabinets for our new apartment from a company.

The company turned out a mass! We first order the cabinets, than they didn't install them on time. After lots of calls, they finally came and installed, after they where 2 months late!

A few days after that, I received a call from them, and they were apolagizing but they wouldn't be able to install the cabinets for one month more.

I was laughing and I said: "excuse me, you already intalled the cabinets in my house!!!"

I don't need to say that a few month later, the company closed!

So guys, take care of your clients, be organized!
 
Posted by: ShannonD* Accepted Answer
6/27/2006 8:57 AM (CST)
This is just a clever one!

One day, there was a blind man sitting on the steps of a building with a hat
by his feet and a sign that read: "I am blind, please help."

A creative publicist was walking by and stopped to observe. He saw that the
blind man had only a few coins in his hat. He dropped in more coins and,
without asking for permission, took the sign and rewrote it.

He returned the sign to the blind man and left. That afternoon the publicist
returned to the blind man and noticed that his hat was full of bills and
coins.

The blind man recognized his footsteps and asked if it was he who had
rewritten his sign and wanted to know what he had written on it.

The publicist responded: "Nothing that was not true. I just wrote the
message a little differently." He smiled and went on his way.

The new sign read: "Today is Spring and I cannot see it."

Takes wording to a new level doesn't it?

Shannon D
 
Posted by: ShannonD* Accepted Answer
6/27/2006 9:01 AM (CST)
Marketing is Communications. I think this one speaks to all of us trying to make a point that somehow lose our point in our communication. This also goes out to all of us who are flying constantly for business, just to make you feel better about flying! LOL enjoy!

In case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
==

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
==

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
==

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
==

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
==

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
==

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
==

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
==

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
==

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
==

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
==

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
==

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
==
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
==

And the best one for last ...
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Make you think twice about how you communicate your point won't it?

Shannon D
 
Posted by: ShannonD* Accepted Answer
6/27/2006 9:05 AM (CST)
Management Lessons

Lesson One:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the
eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

____________________________________

Lesson Two:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top
of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. " They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more d ung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Management Lesson:

Bull s*** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

_____________________________________

Lesson Three:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He laid there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him
out and ate him.

Management Lesson:

(1) Not everyone who s**** on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of s*** is your friend..

(3) And when you're in deep s***, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
 
Posted by: ShannonD* Accepted Answer
6/27/2006 9:07 AM (CST)
For those of you who need to market a person you don't like very well.

Have to write a letter of recommendation for that fired employee? - Here are a few suggested phrases:

For the chronically absent:
"A man like him is hard to find."
"It seemed her career was just taking off."

For the office drunk:
"I feel his real talent is wasted here."
"We generally found him loaded with work to do."
"Every hour with him was a happy hour."

For an employee with no ambition:
"He could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in."
"You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you."

For an employee who is so unproductive that the job is better left unfilled:
"I can assure you that no person would be better for the job."

For an employee who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate:
"I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment."
"All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly."

For a stupid employee:
"There is nothing you can teach a man like him."
"I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever."

For a dishonest employee:
"Her true ability was deceiving."
"He's an unbelievable worker."

Just for laughs

Shannon D
 
Posted by: MANSING Accepted Answer
6/27/2006 9:58 AM (CST)
Hi Again,

1. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious p**** magazine.

2. Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.

3. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as
"Ke-kou-ke-la", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "ko-kou-ko-le", translating into "happiness in the mouth."

4. Try This

While sitting at your desk, make clockwise circles with your right foot. While doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. What direction is your foot going now?

Marketing moral: Focus, focus, focus!

I hope you will laugh!

Regards,

M Bhor
 
Posted by: SteveByrneBranding Accepted Answer
6/27/2006 6:44 PM (CST)
not really marketing jokes but here goes .....


1. Air Travel ----

I was on a flight to Hong Kong once. The flight would be seven hours long, so I decided to get some shuteye. I was soon awakened by the stewardess, who asked me if I would like some dinner. I said, "What are my choices?"
And she said, "Yes or no."

2. Bribery ----
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

3. Brilliant ----
A chemist, a biologist and an electrical engineer were on death row waiting to go in the electric chair.
The chemist was brought forward first.
"Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner, strapping him in.
"No," replied the chemist. The executioner flicked the switch and nothing happened.
Under State law, if an execution attempt fails, the prisoner is to be released, so the chemist was released.
Then the biologist was brought forward.
"Do you have anything you want to say?"
"No, just get on with it."
The executioner flicked the switch, and again nothing happened, so the biologist was released.
Then the electrical engineer was brought forward.
"Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner.
"Yes," replied the engineer. "If you swap the red and the blue wires over, you might make this thing work."

hope someone got a laugh :-)
 
Posted by: nmuqbel Accepted Answer
6/28/2006 3:15 AM (CST)
Great Jokes..hehe... It's nice to start your day with laughs...

I got this joke off the web....

*Marketing Apples

A young man asked a rich old man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. Marketing was the key to my success."

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $9.80."

"Then my wife's father died and left us two-million dollars.
 
Posted by: nmuqbel Accepted Answer
6/28/2006 3:16 AM (CST)
This one is a bit scary ;)

A Built-In Target Audience

A visiting customer is taken on a tour of a latex products factory by the factory's marketing manager.

At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud hiss-pop! noise.

"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the marketer. "The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."

Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured.

The machine makes a noise: "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop!"

"Wait a minute!" says the customer. "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop!' every so often?"

"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."

"Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"

"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"

Cheers :)
 
Posted by: kaustubh.s* Accepted Answer
6/28/2006 4:25 AM (CST)
great jokes-

What's The Difference?
A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper.

"Pardon me, sir," she says to the store manager, "but can you explain the differences in all these toilet papers?"

"Well," he replies pointing out one brand, "this is as soft as a baby's bottom. It's $1.50 per roll."

He grabs another and says, "This is nice and soft, strong but gentle, and it's $1.00 a roll."

Pointing to the bottom shelf he tells her, "We call that our No Name brand, and it's 20 cents per roll."

"Give me the No Name," she says.

She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says, "Hey! I've got a name for your No Name toilet paper. I call it John Wayne."

"Why?" he asks.

"Because it's rough, it's tough and it don't take crap from anybody!"
----------------------------------

Oops, The Waiter Did It!
One evening, a very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant patiently awaiting her date.
While waiting, she decided to make sure that she looked perfect for him.
So the young lady bends down in her chair in order to get a mirror from her purse. Then just as the waiter walks up, she accidentally farts quite loudly.
The lady immediately sat up straight, embarrassed and red faced, sure that everyone in the place had heard her.
Quickly she turns to the waiter and demands, "Stop That!"
The waiter looks at her dryly and says, "Sure lady. Which way was it headed?"
------------------------------

This is a conversation that took place between an office girl and a marketing guy from a leading multinational company .

Marketing guy - Which soap do you use?

girl - Kates

Marketing guy - Which hand wash do you use?

girl - Kates

Marketing guy - Which deodorant do you use?

girl - Kates

Marketing guy - Which toothpaste do you use?

girl - Kates

Marketing guy -Which shampoo do you use?

girl - Kates

Marketing guy - Which washing powder do you use?

girl - Kates

Marketing guy - shit !!!! Okay,Okay , tell me, What is this Kates ? you think its an international company???

girl - No, she is my roommate.
 
Posted by: telemoxie Accepted Answer
6/28/2006 6:19 AM (CST)
Question: What's the differnce between a salesperson and a con man?

Answer: The con man knows when he's lying.
 
Posted by: rockyboy2 Accepted Answer
6/28/2006 4:29 PM (CST)
Here is a little marketing joke. Manny is jewish and his business is doing bad, he has lost a lot of money on bad advice, bad marketing. He talks to his wife what can I do?
Ask God manny she says. So Manny goes to the synagog and asks God for help. God speaks to Manny," How can I help you my son?" Manny explains to God how bad his business is and asks God to let him win the lottery. He waits two weeks and goes back to speak to God. "Why have you deserted me God?" He says, "two weeks and still I have not won the lottery." After a moment or two God replies "Hey Manny do me a favour try and help me a little, make it a little easier BUY A TICKET
 
Posted by: Jett* Accepted Answer
6/28/2006 9:47 PM (CST)
What is Meant by "Marketing"?

People often ask what is meant by Marketing. Perhaps the following analogies will help clear it up:

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say," Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." that's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a handsome man. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," And reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You talk her into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy her so he calls you. That's Technical Service.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be gorgeous women in all the houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated in the middle and shout at the top of your voice, "I'm fantastic in bed!". That's Spam.

You hear about women like this but never meet one. That's False Advertising.
 
Posted by: pank575 Accepted Answer
6/29/2006 1:34 AM (CST)
Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."

Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick".

Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.

The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem-Feeling Free", was translated into the Japanese market as "When smoking Salem, you will feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty."

When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read English.

An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).

In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into "Schweppes Toilet Water."

Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave," in Chinese.

When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company mistakenly thought the spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."
 
Posted by: pank575 Accepted Answer
6/29/2006 1:46 AM (CST)
Gerber, the name of the famous baby food maker, is also the French word for vomiting. It becomes a bit limiting when you go global... Gerber is therefore not in France, and although Gerber has a French Canadian web page, it says "Les aliments pour bébés Gerber ne sont disponibles pour l'instant qu'aux États-Unis" (French for: The baby food ain't here, try the U.S.)

In 1988, the General Electric Company (GEC) and Plessey combined to create a new telecommunications giant. A brand name was desired that evoked technology and innovation. The winning proposal was GPT for GEC-Plessey Telecommunications. A not very innovative name and not suggestive of technology and a total disaster for European branding. GPT is pronounced in French as “J’ai pété” or “I've farted”.

Pepsi is being sued in a Hyderabad, India city court in a public interest litigation for glorifying child labor in a television ad. In the ad, the Indian cricket team is in a celebratory huddle when a young boy serves them Pepsi.

 
Posted by: mrees Accepted Answer
6/29/2006 7:52 AM (CST)
Don't know if this one is true but its funny anyway

Matsushita Electric was promoting a new Japanese PC targeted at the Internet. Panasonic developed a complete Japanese Web browser, and to make the system "user-friendly", licensed the cartoon character "Woody Woodpecker" as the "Internet guide." Panasonic eventually planned on a world version of the product. A huge marketing campaign was to have introduced the product in Japan. The day before the ads were to be released, Panasonic suddenly pulled back and delayed the product launch indefinately.
The reason: the ads featured the slogan "Touch Woody - The Internet Pecker." An American staff member at the internal product launch explained to the stunned and embarrassed Japanese what "touch woody" and "pecker" meant in American slang.
 
Posted by: jstiles* Accepted Answer
6/29/2006 12:30 PM (CST)
A sherriff knocks on the door of a devout man to warn him to evacuate due to an impending flood. The man responds "I have faith that God will protect me"

Later as the flood has hit the town a boat of resuers comes by , but through the first floor window the man says "Thanks, but I'm staying put. I have faith that God will protect me"

As the water level reaches the second floor another boat comes by to rescue the man, but he stubboprnly refused saying "I know that God has a plan and will protect me"

The flood worsens and a helicopter comes by to pick the man up off of his roof. But again he refuses, "I have faith that God will protect me"

Soon after the flood waters washed him away and he drowned. In heaven he is brought before his maker and in an exasperated voice asks "my Lord why, in my hour of need, did you desert me, your faithful servant?"

God replied "My son I sent you a sherriff, 2 boats and a helicopter, what more did you need?"


The moral:
When opportunity arises, seize it.
 
Posted by: BARQ Accepted Answer
6/30/2006 3:45 PM (CST)
THE COPYWRITING RULES AT SELMARQ:

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands, abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren’t necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “I have quotations. Tell me what you know.”
12. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
13. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14. Profanity sucks.
15. Be more or less specific.
16. Understatement is always best.
17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
22. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
23. Who needs rhetorical questions?


BARQ
 
Posted by: torr286 Accepted Answer
7/1/2006 3:38 PM (CST)
To correct a misconception about the Chevy "Nova": The so-called marketing faux pas never happened. First of all, GM DID research the name. "Nova" means pretty much the same thing in Spanish as in English. "It doesn't go" as a translation for "No va" is seriously bad Spanish.

The Chevy Nova was, in fact, a howling success in Spanish-speaking South America. The "Caribe" is not a GM product at all, but a VW model.

This story has been told for years, but has always been untrue.

For more info, go to: http://www.snopes.com/business/misxlate/nova.asp
 
Posted by: torr286 Accepted Answer
7/1/2006 4:07 PM (CST)
In the Profumo affair in England during the 50s, Christine Keeler and Mandy Rice-Davies were accused of passing secret government information to the Russians through the process of simultaneously having affairs with both British government officials (like Profumo) and with attaches from the Russian embassy.

According to the MANCHESTER GUARDIAN:

"When prosecuting counsel pointed out that Lord Astor denied having an affair or having even met her, she [Mandy Rice-Davies] replied, 'Well, he would, wouldn't he?'"

Calling a person a liar in this unique way has always seemed to me to be brilliant marketing.

Another story:

Once, I was invited to the home of a college friend, where his parents were giving him a birthday party. One of our group was an art major, and the chap's mother insisted on dragging the poor fellow over to a portrait in oils she'd had made of her son.

The picture was absolutely hideous, amateurish and didn't even look like the guy.

The mother pressed our art student friend for his opinion. Finally, he said, "Well, you can certainly tell that a lot of work went into it." Fortunately, that satisfied Mom.

I have memorized both of these little sayings. They have served me well on numerous occasions.
 
Posted by: sriedel Author Response
7/2/2006 9:01 PM (CST)
Thanks for participating and sharing your best marketing jokes or story. Treasures of wisdom and laughter above—thanks again! They were all winners. Congratulations!

Thought it would be only appropriate to close the question with a few quotes on laughter.
• Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. ~Jack Handey, "Deep Thoughts," Saturday Night Live
• From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. Author: Groucho Marx
• Laughter is much more important than applause. Applause is almost a duty. Laughter is a reward. Author: Carol Channing


All my best,

Sandy Riedel
 
Posted by: peterbr Member Response
7/13/2006 6:19 PM (CST)
A creative knock down..

"He has all the characteristics of a dog except loyalty.."
 
Posted by: divakarrv Member Response
12/5/2006 12:00 AM (CST)
yes.
Hi all,
I got this from one of my friend:
An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large
Cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.

"O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then traveled to Pakistan, srilanka, Russia, Germany and France.

In every church he saw the same golden telephone
With the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to see if Indians had the same phone.

He arrived in India, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call."

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call.

Why is it so cheap here?"

The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, son - it's a local call".


KEEP SMILING

Div
 
Posted by: divakarrv Member Response
12/5/2006 1:42 AM (CST)
A good Salesman!!!!!!

Ek bar ek Shopping Mall NE ek naya gujarati salesman hire kiya.
Sale Badhne lagi-din dugni, raat chauguni.
Malik NE socha is ladke se mujhe milna hai. Malik Mall par aaya,
Usne Dekha ladka ek customer ko fishing-rod bechraha tha.
Who door ke Pass Khada ho kar hi usko customer se deal karte dekhne lagaa.
Ladke NE fishing-rod bechdi. Customer NE kaha kitne rupaye, ladka Bola Rs.800/-.
Yeh kahkar ladke NE customer ke shoes dekhe aur bola,
Itne mehange Shoes Pahankar fishing karne jayenge?
Ek sport shoe bhi kharid lijiye, customer NE sport shoes bhi kharid Liye.
Ab ladke NE kaha talaab kinare dhoop mein baithna padega,
Ek Cap bhi Kharid lijiye to theek rehega, customer NE cap bhi kharid li.
Ab Ladke NE Kaha, machli pakadne mein bahut intezar karna padega,
Kuchch Eatables, Wafer, biscuits, bhi Le jayiye, customer NE who bhi kharid liye.
Ladka Bola machli pakdenge to rakhenge kahan ?
Yeh ek Rs.100/- ki basket Bhi Le Lijiye, customer NE who bhi kharid li.
Ab total bill bana Rs.2000/- Ka.
Malik bahut khush hua. Usne ladke ko bulaya aur kaha,
Tum to kamal ke Salesman ho. Who aadmi fishing rod kharidane ayaa .
Aur tumane usey Itna Sara samaan bech diya, very good.
Ladka bola, " Sir, who aadmi to "Stayfree" napkin kharidane ayaa tha,
Maine kaha, char din TU ghar par kya karega 'Jaa Machli Pakad'
 


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