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Website Critique     
 
This question has been closed, and points have been awarded.
Please Critique Home Page Content!
Posted By: traceycrockett* on 7/14/2006 12:04 PM (CST) 125 Points
I got a great deal of feedback regarding too much content on my home page so I've had a professional website copywriter rewrite the content. Please take a moment to review and let me know your thoughts: http://www.choreserrandsnmore.com.

Also, this is not the newly designed site but all the text on this site will be transferred to the new site to be released hopefully next week!

One more thing: the copywriter indicated that most of the other pages were pretty good so she just made some minor changes on the other pages. If you'd like to peruse them and give me feedback feel free to do so!

Thanks in advance for your assistance and wonderfully, supporting feedback. It makes a world of difference!

Tracey Crockett
Chores, Errands 'N More

Posted by: Papadoc (Steve)* Member Response
7/14/2006 1:28 PM (CST)
I think that your copywriter has done a great job. Not much that can be said about the text. Glad to hear however that this is not the new design, as there are several fairly major SEO layout and design problems on this one.
 
Posted by: skoobie99 Member Response
7/14/2006 1:36 PM (CST)
Tracey,

The color scheme on your website is very appropriate.

Having said that I do not like having to scroll down to read your copy - or to see the menu choices at the left margin even...

Every page I looked at seemed to suffer from this problem - need for excessive scrolling.

Hope this helps,
John
 
Posted by: rbauman* Member Response
7/14/2006 2:39 PM (CST)
Tracey,

I agree with the comments made by Steve and John. I'm also glad to hear this is not the final site as I do not like its overall look and feel. I'd like something that gives a more professional appearance.
 
Posted by: Frank Hurtte Member Response
7/14/2006 5:36 PM (CST)
tracey,
It loaded a little slow on my system.. may be me..
The colors were ok..
The message wasnt all that compelling. I would not count on this site to drive business to you. Instead I would use it as a brochure and a reminder of what you to for people you have already contacted.
 
Posted by: whimziequiltz Accepted Answer
7/14/2006 7:28 PM (CST)
The first three questions (i.e. Is your..., Can't keep..., Need to be) still seem extraneous to me, more like the brochure Frank mentioned. I think the "Reclaim Your Personal Time" paragraph would be the place to start, instead - it's where I started being sold on your idea. But I especially like the "Don't let another minute pass you by" call-to-action at the bottom!
 
Posted by: jdeems* Member Response
7/14/2006 7:41 PM (CST)
Aloha,

I liked the squiggly background, but with everything else it seemed kind of busy and hectic. You are reaching out to people who are busy and hectic already. I would think that it would need to be more cool and calming. I cant wait to see the new design.

Good luck,
Jennifer
 
Posted by: MANSING Accepted Answer
7/16/2006 5:17 AM (CST)
Hi Tracey Crockett,

All successful marketers transfer their weakness into strength. Presentation brings interest and interest pursues customers to do business. Want to give honest comment.

1. Background color is ok but not enthusiastic for life change.
2. Right hand side too much space is empty
3. News has given top space than the web heading
4. Too much space at the bottom
5. I understand the concept of work – life - balance where is the practical example. Not just we will do but what we have done!
6. Tracy if you want to successful then you should have a look your competitor’s website and their representation (what they are representing for same service.)
7. I will suggest you to get more information and suggestion from web consultant in your area.

I am sure one day you will on the tope! Best of Luck!

I hope this will help!

Regards,

M Bhor

 
Posted by: charkins Accepted Answer
7/16/2006 1:07 PM (CST)
Tracey,
You've asked for a critique of the content (not the design) so I'll try to start there - but in clicking around I quickly found what appears to be your "new design". (Click on "who uses our services" at the bottom of your homepage and a mostly new, improved design comes up.) The new page content is different from the old page content, and certainly much improved. I like it! But one thing you don't stress enough is, where are you?? Your service is definitely geographically limited. I doubt you will come to New Jersey to do my groceries! You mention your location in a couple of your page TITLE tags (even web-savvy people can miss that) and in your FAQs. IMHO your location should be more prominently mentioned on your homepage.

I will also comment on your design (although you didn't ask - always risky on my part..). The new masthead is super, featuring your logo and tagline, and your navigation is visible above the fold. Your color combination works! And I love the way you delineate the text from the sidebar with the round-corner box. On the negative side, you should consider using Flash on the images, so they slowly dissolve into the next one instead of being so abrupt. And I really hate the What's New image - too reminiscent of blinking text. Sorry!

Wishing you lots of success!
carol
 
Posted by: lynnmonk Member Response
7/17/2006 4:47 AM (CST)
I agree with Charkins. I'm glad you've lost that awful green colour, and background, and simplified the heading. The new colour scheme is a vast improvement.

I didn't notice your location either but I did see some mention of a 20 mile radius, so will you come and do my washing up? I'm in Lancashire, UK. ;o)

I didn't read through all the copy, but it did seem more logically organised than on some of the pages of your old design.

Lynn
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Posted by: jpoyer Accepted Answer
7/17/2006 9:17 AM (CST)
Tracey -
I am picturing this new copy in your new site design, and I think you won't have a problem with scrolling. If I remember correctly, the new design is a bit wider and should accommodate this new text well. I think it is much better, the bullets really help break things up and the copy is much less wordy ...

One thing I would do, is ditch the "welcome" ... it takes away valuable front page space, and when someone comes to your site, you will already have the "welcome" as an understood thing. IMHO, now-a-days, a "welcome" on it's own is a bit passé.

One other thing, is that the copy is not built around "You" (talking to the viewer), and I really think it is important to put me, as the viewer, in the text, because you are talking to me, trying to get ME to take in this info and see myself "there" ...especially in the "Since 2005" paragraph.

[Sample fix for you: Since 2005 Chores, Errands ‘N More has been making our clients lives easier, and we can help you! We exist to simplify your life, create time in your day and reduce your stress levels stress, by accomplishing YOUR chores, errands & more on OUR time. The final outcome is the creation of free time for you to enjoy the meaningful things in life: family, friends, faith, career and more!]

[also, if you can use a bigger font (maybe the pink that is in your new design), for the text "Since 2005," it will break up the awkward construction of not having a comma after the dependent clause ... You probably left the comma out after "Since 2005" because your business title has a comma and follows right after, but it creates a weird flow. With a little bigger font and the pink color applied to that text, it will be like an "intro" thing, and will flow right into the rest of your text. Sort of like at http://www.motivationnmore.com/ except that is not to set aside the dependent clause, that just makes the guy's name stand out more. I also took out the last comma in the text on purpose above to accommodate the common practice of not including a comma between the last two items of a simple listing.]

These things aside though, it's nice to see that you are really making that effort to make your site the best it can be, to really reach your audience. So many people get a new site and are just excited about the new design and they don't take care of the details.

Good job and let us know if you need any more help! I am enjoying seeing your project progress.

Jennifer
XPRT Creative,
 
Posted by: Dramagenics* Member Response
7/17/2006 2:37 PM (CST)
Content:

I would,

1. In the main column (right) remove everything from the picture of the laptop down to and including the word "Welcome".

2. Move those links (in the bubble and for the survey) to the left side and format them differently.

Having these items at the top still has the effect of making it appear a little busy. People want to see the stuff that you are made of very quickly. The content under the word welcome does that very nicely.
 
Posted by: margec Member Response
7/17/2006 4:13 PM (CST)
I agree with most of the above comments and also think the new design is an improvement.

I would ditch that "lifestyle management" phrase (what the heck does that mean to me as a prospective client?) and remove the quotes from your tagline. I do see text throughout that I would cut: under about us, fluff llike "founded on the principle that everyone deserves a better quality of life," is one example. I'd cut extra words rigorously even in the good parts (like the descriptions of why you need the services) to get everything as concise as possible. Busy people, sick people, and old people are unlikely to be scrolling and reading blocks of text (just like the average web visitor, for that matter).

I'd spell out how you can run errands for clients outside your geographic area, or whether there are certain types of services you can provide remotely, but not others.

Generally, I'd prefer to see brief testimonials sprinkled through the site, replacing those news article quotes and factoids. They're not compelling to me. If I'm a prospective client, I don't care about what percentage of other people say they need your service; if I need it, then I do, regardless of percentages. I'd be much more interested in knowing how others have responded and benefited from your personal skills and attention to detail.

I love your personal photos; I would replace the stock operator-standing-by photo with your own photo.

The out of state referral map is pretty lame, with only one state included. If more are likely to be added, I'd wait til then to include it.

The navigation is still more complex than it needs to be.
Overall, this site doesn't benefit by being larger or more complicated than it needs to be. I'm busy, I need help, I want to quickly understand what you offer and that you do a great job for a reasonable price. I'd be very rigorous about evaluating every additional piece of content that pops up. How will it serve your audiences and help you meet your website goals?

Seems like this business would be a great gift certificate opportunity. What a great gift for a senior, new mother, etc. People might think of it themselves, but you could spell it out for them.

Good luck!

Marge
 
Posted by: Roberto Member Response
7/18/2006 6:01 PM (CST)
K better improvement since last time. I have no idea where people are seeing the new design, because I didnt see one. Let me know where we can see a new design, because I clicked everywhere!

The wording is fine on the home page, I would just use, Reclaim Your Personal Time Now!. But, that is preference. I think short and sweet.

I will say this, who cares about TEXT or how it is worded, if it doesn't look professional. So do not pay money for someone to throw in some verbs on your old text. That is crazy, have a marketing plan ready up front before the design goes into play. So the designer can better layout your content, so that it in turn makes it easy to read, quick to skim through and fast to navigate. This is not a book, so why pay money for some fancy words that no one will read. You need quick and easy phrases which calls viewers action to click. I really think you are on your way. Because the improvement is awesome from last time. But the words need to sell, and I am still not sold.
In all, the "Word Lady" did cut back on content on front page. very good. Just take what I said into consideration before you pay a designer have a target demographic and a marketing plan. The designer will layout the site making it easy for people to read, making certain words stand out and reach the viewers. Then let the viewers click away and read the details.
I am off subject, but you have taken care of the TEXT problem, Just get ready for your next step.
Roberto
 
Posted by: Maximus Member Response
7/19/2006 3:01 AM (CST)
Hi Tracey,

Hope this message find you very well. Regarding your website, the homepage of the website is not appealing it does not have international look and quality.

Let me list them:

1. Low quality look. Not appealing to the customer.

2. The color schemes are not good...never ever use fluroscent green on your web pages.

3. Instead of Putting Your News section and Rave review setion on Left side keep it at right hand side because the customer will not able to see your Other links "Home, About Us etc.)

Try to use this template, use this color scheme and change the pictures. Your ogo will look good at top-left position. here is the link:
http://www.templatesbox.com/templates/265.htm

Rest I will let you know soon...

Regards
Maximus
 
Posted by: traceycrockett* Author Response
7/20/2006 4:49 PM (CST)
Thanks everyone!

Your points are taken and I think everyone will be pleased with the new and improved website. My goal is to unveil it tomorrow!

Thanks for all your guidance, support, feedback, and honesty.

Tracey
 


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