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Icy Reception! What Would You Do / Say?
Posted By: deni418 on 10/2/2006 9:02 PM (CST) 350 Points
My daughter works for a well known NPO. Her position as a Marketing Manager requires her to make 7- 20 speeches per week, soliciting funding. The people in the audience are people who are being asked to give a very small amount ($1-$5) per pay check.

Her allotted presentation time is 7 minutes. Her speeches have been very well received. However, for the first time, her third speech of the day was almost a hostile crowd.

One woman in particular glared at her with contempt throughout the entire speech. Another presenter on stage noticed the same thing. The two previous audiences laughed at the right times and received the speech very well. Many people afterwards tell her they never knew her NPO did so much for the community.

Her audiences range from 20 people - 200.

So here is the question. Have any of you ever given a speech only to be greeted with disdain. How would you react with an audience where the air is thick with what felt like contempt?

Just to let you know, monies raised go back into the community towards rehab, education and job placement.


Thank you so much for your time.

Posted by: elliemk* Accepted Answer
10/2/2006 9:20 PM (CST)
Hello Deni,

Yes, I have given a speech where I had a hostile audience. They didn't pay attention, they asked rude questions, and they acted as if I didn't exist!

It was a humiliating experience. However, here is what I did to deal with it, and I hope the advice will help your daughter.

1). Maintain a positive attitude - this is critical. Keep a smile on your face at all times.

2). Tell a couple of jokes appropriate to the audience. There is nothing like humor to help people feel more comfortable.

3). Share some personal experience. No matter what the topic, people feel more related to a speaker who shares some sort of personal experience. This leads into point number 4.

4). Ask questions! Drawing people into your world is important. By asking questions of the audience, people will feel more like sharing.

5). Go up to people after speaking and introduce yourself personally.

I hope these words of wisdom will help your daughter to better deal with a hostile audience!

 
Posted by: deni418 Author Response
10/2/2006 10:15 PM (CST)
Elliemk,

Thank you for your quick response. There is a five hour difference from me to my daughter. She will be able to glean much from your response. All very good points.

Thank you so much.
 
Posted by: darcy.moen Accepted Answer
10/2/2006 11:40 PM (CST)
Dear Deni418,

I did stand up comedy for a while. Nothing serious, not looking to make a career of it, I was usually trying for the amature night prize and the free beverages.

Some nights, the audience was hot, and would laugh at almost anything, other nights, the hecklers were so thick you would think you walked into a collection agent convention.

At first, the hecklers would get under my skin. Yes, the things they said hurt. In time, I began to understand why some clowns were always so sad on the inside.

After matching wits with a few hecklers (and finding that the wit they displayed dissipated rapidly), I found that the hecklers themselves could become materials for the act.

I recall one heckler couple fondly. She was all over me calling me all sorts of rude names. I looked at her calmly and said...Nice outfit, how many Target points did THAT cost? She went ballistic. Her hubby then began calling me out. I responded to him: Look pal, do I come down to MacDonald's and hassle you when YOU'RE working?

I think its very admirable that your daughter is taking the initiative to stand up and speak out. I am glad that you are supporting her in her efforts. Not everyone is willing to listen to every pitch, and some folks simply have to be tolerated, rebuffed, and sometimes even ignored. I had the luxury of being able to interact with my audience, and insult them if need be. I wouldn't advise your daughter to insult folks, but I would advise her to learn to think like a chair.

What do chairs think about?

Here comes another (_|_) !

I hope you find it a bit funny.

If not, some advise from my Reverend Cousin who walked into my drycleaning shop while I was having a strip tore off me by a customer (yes, sometimes we cleaners can't satisfy them all). My Reverend Cousin said: It keeps you humble! So true, grumpy folks have a way to keep us all grounded.

That which does not kill us, makes us strong. See the grumpy folks and bad audiences for what they are...chairs, learning experiences, or keeping us humble...but always persevere!

Darcy Moen
Customer Loyalty Network
 
Posted by: deni418 Author Response
10/3/2006 12:01 AM (CST)
Darcy,

I absolutely love you! No, I didn't find it a little bit funny, I found it hilarious. 100 percent. Thanks so much for the perspective. Great day in the morning!
 
Posted by: margec Accepted Answer
10/3/2006 3:22 AM (CST)
I'd wonder whether this hostile group has been compelled by their employer to attend the meeting and has had a bad experience with a similar situation in the past? Anyway, the reaction was clearly not a reflection on your daughter's performance!

These are all great suggestions above. I especially like the suggestion to ask the audience some questions; if they're really hostile, of course, they probably won't talk, but asking for a show of hands might give you a next step with them. "How many of you have ever known someone who you knew had [this kind of problem]?" If they're so alienated they won't even raise a hand, you can still react to the non-information they're giving. "Interesting. So a lot of you may not realize that...." Often you attend presentations where the speaker gives their canned speech without apparently wondering where the audience stands relative to the topic. Do they already know a lot, a little, nothing, or disagree completely with the premise? Making even the motions of understanding where the audience is coming from is a step toward communicating with them.
Good luck,
Marge
 
Posted by: KathySmithFilms* Accepted Answer
10/3/2006 3:36 AM (CST)
Hi Deni418,

I have been priviledged to lecture on marketing to various audiences over the last 10 years. The majority of my audience have been great and wrote up success stories and thank you's for the results.

One way I handle those that cause "noise" and try to knock me off of my position on stage is I stop the speech, speak up and get a raise of hands on who would like to have him (the heckler) give the rest of the lecture. No one has ever raised their hand. Then I politely tell the person to wait for the Q&A - & usually it works.

I had one that wouldn't stop trying to get "attention". I asked him how he found out about me and what he was there to learn. He gave some answer that didn't agree with me so I told him he had come to the wrong lecture, excused myself for a minute from the audience and routed him to the registrar to refund his money - using a lot of manners to make him right for being in the wrong place.

That's 2% (a few times til I got the handling I could work with). 98% have benefited and I helped thousands on some level. Tell her to push through. Know she was around suppression at that time and that's about all you can label it. Focus on those that are being helped & keep the one in a crowds as experience & get over it quick.

One last thing, before I start a speech I ask the audience a few questions like Hi, what's your name & where do you work or from and what would you like to gain from this lecture; then after that survey, I know where I need to come in. Also a good tip!!! Always speak to an audience one person at a time as you look around and they all get it...what the topic or joke is...not just general broad to everyone.

Hope this helps
Kathy Smith
 
Posted by: mbarber Accepted Answer
10/3/2006 4:37 AM (CST)
Gidday Deni.

Your daughter should take the response seriously but never to heart. The seriousness is because for whatever reason someone was not engaged with her message. And she ought not take it to heart because people are entitled to have alternative opinions. In fact signs of 'dissention' can be seen as a sign that the message she is giving is powerful enough to 'disturb' people's points of view.

I've given plenty of speeches and presentations to all sorts of levels of people in all sorts of organisations to all types of audiences both nationally and internationally. I understand what it is like to have people 'close out' or even (as Darcy mentioned) get hostile.

I just use their own opinion to strengthen the case for mine. When challenged by someone I say - do you feel strongly about your opinion on the matter?' 'I sure do" they respond. And I say - "fantastic - I believe you should be entitled to your point of view. And I also believe I am entitled to mine. I'm not saying mine is better, worse or otherwise, its just different and I hope you can at least allow me to have my own differing alternative." I rarely get challenged after that. If I do I say something like 'okay are you saying that everyone in the audience should agree with your opinion too?' If they say 'yes I do!' I then ask the audience 'does everyone agree with this person's opinion?' I've NEVER had the audience say 'yes'.

Of course if they did I'd probably make a joke and say 'phew - tough crowd! - okay then let me tell you why I am wrong...'

In NLP there is a term called 'pacing'. The idea is that you try and say something that agrees or shows understanding of other people's perspectives. It is one of the classic steps to building rapport

Now that your daughter has had the experience she could build that into her presentation and use it to her favour. She could start off with the typical 'hi this is who I am and I am here to ask for your help..' but before she starts she could say 'now I have had the experience where some people are VERY hostile to this idea. I appreciate their right to have an opinion and by and large the support and help I get is overwhelming and greatly appreciated - let me tell you why most people do all they can to help..."

And into her spiel she goes. This works on a number of pyschological levels. First it says that it's 'okay to differ in your opinion from me'. Second it says that 'hey I've already experienced hostility so there's nothing surprising if you do it too' Third it says 'if you don't want to be seen as hostile and negative you'll probably take a different view' and finally it says 'I need and really appreciate your help'.

VERY few people could counter that presentation.

Best of luck to her and her organisation
 
Posted by: deni418 Author Response
10/3/2006 5:41 AM (CST)
Thank you margec. So many different points to draw from. Yes, the people in these meetings are required to be there. If there all 1000 people at any given workplace, then each week, they send 20 or so to listen to my daughter and other people who are representing their own NPO. The idea being that they will choose from one of these to contribute a small portion of their paycheck.

Kathy, thank you for your input, again, one of the reasons I love this site is the outpouring of varied answers. All very good.

mbarber, also a big thanks for your point of view. It is good to know that others have experienced the same situation and are willing to share working ideas.

Also, I have noticed the posted times of the responses.
Thank you hardly seems sufficient.

Forever grateful,
deni
 
Posted by: david reich Accepted Answer
10/3/2006 6:30 AM (CST)
Telling jokes can be a bit risky unless you're really good at it. Even professional comedians bomb sometimes.

Another respondent hit it on the head -- you don't know what internal problems may cause an audience to resent being at your presentation. The best thing is to just keep going, be positive and, if possible, after the presentation seek out the person who was glaring at you and ask her privately if there's any problem. You might get some helpful feedback, if you're lucky. If not, maybe she was just having a bad day.
 
Posted by: W.M.M.A. Accepted Answer
10/3/2006 7:08 AM (CST)
You kind of answered your own question, eh. These people are (1) required to be there, and (2) your daughter is just one of the few/several they must listen to.

My wife and are privileged to attend several events each week, for various charities and organizations...from black tie to casual. We are constantly approached from others at attendance, who take our elbow, and whisper in the ear..."We need to get together, I'd like to talk with you about helping our group..." or, something to that effect.

The point being, there are only so many NFP dollars to go around, and the competition is very stiff, for those few dollars. We too, get tired of hearing the same pitch, from every group needing help. However, we understand.

From your daughter's perspective, perhaps by the time this group got down there, word had been spread, that more NPO's are trying to get into our paychecks....or, something like that. It is not personal...just a part of the job description. I can only offer your daughter words of encouragement...and in the words of Dorothy, in The Wiz...move on down, move on down the road.

Randall
WMMA
 
Posted by: deni418 Author Response
10/3/2006 9:06 AM (CST)
David, yes you are right about the jokes. My daughter is so passionate about what she does she couldnt joke.

There is nothing wrong with a joke or two, it's just not something that she would do in this instance.

W.M.A.A.
Thank you for your input also. Normally, these people don't mind going to these events since it means paid time away from the workplace. They know weeks ahead when their scheduled day is, so they know the reason they are there. The amount is very minimal per person, ($1.00-$5.00 per payckeck) but multiplied it adds up. Most corporations/ business give incentives to their employees when 100% participation is reached.

Thank you all for responding. All suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Deni
 
Posted by: kannanveeraiah Accepted Answer
10/3/2006 1:00 PM (CST)
Dear,

In the first couple of minutes usually the speaker should make the audience comfortable. Seven minutes of the allotted time is good enough to make the short and appealing presentation. But, in fact, to make that seven minutes presentation the speaker may have to prepare for hours.

The speaker must know the audience - their locality, their background in general, the problems they do face, the help they need etc. etc. These information should be used well to identify the speaker with the audience. The speaker must highlight how the NPO had been solving problems of similar nature and how it is proposing to help them solve their problems.

Usually in such appeals the emotions are to be invoked. Highlight to them how the shortage of funds had crippled them from facing their problems. Tell them it is the collective effort of the society - the very group of theirs - that would supplement and complement the efforts of the NPO.

But, one thing is very important that any speaker may not be able to always satisfy all the listeners. It may be the listeners' problems that prevent them from receptive. Some may even think over later, of what they had listened and then act upon it subsequently. Though we may not ignore hostile or unresponsive individuals altogether, we may not be able to pay too much attention to a particular individual/s due to shortage of time and energy.

Well, even if a few respond positively for that moment that is good enough. This would have cascading effect in the long run. Those who hesitate initially may respond well after seeing others acting on what they listened.

Don't worry. Do the right thing and trust in thyself.

Best Wishes,

kannan
 
Posted by: Amy Madsen* Accepted Answer
10/4/2006 1:36 AM (CST)
I don't think you have the ability to control the mood of every person in the audience. The woman you describe could have been having an incredibly bad day, which had absolutely nothing to do with your daughter.

Sorry to be harsh, but I think you and your daughter need to develop some thicker skin. Sounds like she does great at her talks. So I wouldn't let one hostile person get her down. I would completely ignore the sour-puss in the audience. There are plenty of other faces to hone in on. In fact, your daughter could hone in on that hostile person. Really look into her face and speak to her for a few moments. But then I would move on.

I went to a presentation of a friend who speaks very regulary. She happens to be fairly sensitive and speaks from the heart. She was speaking to an audience of engineers - not a group inclined to think from the heart. Instead, they are scientific and fact-based, and challenging by nature. Their comments were not critical. It was their critical-thinking that she misinterpreted for being critical of her. She was so caught up in her interpretation of the world, that she was not in tune with her audience and what motivates them. She misinterpreted them and she felt on the defense. With that being said, she did not appear to be on the defense to me. She just thought it to herself. So a good point for your daughter - carry on professionaly. Don't point out being uncomfortable. Some speaker or newbie stand-up comics shoot themselves in the feet by pointing out their own errors or discomfort, when most audience members wouldn't notice.

Your daughter, if she speaks and works with so many people, might benefit from an excellent book called "The Art of Speedreading People" by Paul and Barbara Tieger. It's a personality type book. Don't do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You need to speak to them in their language, not yours, to be most impactful with them. I have presented on this personality type topic to a lot of different audiences. One was a group of French IT professionals. It's my belief that the French are critical by nature. Think of all the philosophers and critical thinking they must study. Knowing this in advance, I know what I'm in store for, and need to prepare myself for this type of audience.

Anywho... that's my two cents.

Good luck to your daughter!!!! Sounds like she's on a great track.
 
Posted by: deni418 Author Response
10/4/2006 2:16 PM (CST)
Kannanveeraiah,

Thank you for your response. You are right, you can't please everyone. I suppose that after all the years of speaking engagements, she was just taken aback by the outward hostility of the woman.

Amy,

Thank you for the free medical advice, but I can assure you that my daughters skin is quite thick. Mine on the other hand is still up for debate.

The point of the question was to hear from other people who may have had a similar situation and how they reacted.

Thank you for the advice and I will recommend the book to her. She does speak to many various groups- workers and management, so the whole speaking on their terms does make sense.

Thanks again,
Deni
 


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