MarketingProfs' Members Register for B2B Forum 2010 for just $695! (good until 11/30) »

Ask your question ... sign up today! It's FREE!
Copywriting   URGENT - Need Help Fast!  
 
This question has been closed, and points have been awarded.
Debt Negotiation Service: 2 Page Direct Mail Piece
Posted By: jloswald* on 12/15/2004 11:54 AM (CST) 125 Points
I am looking to do a 2 page direct mail piece to potential clients. National Debt Consultants is a company that helps individuals get out of debt through means of negotiations/settlement. We are looking to create a 2 page mail piece for mortgage turn down clients; to have them enroll into our "Monthly Payment Program" as an alternative to bankruptcy. I am looking for some insight on a good opener, and what sort of content I should include to make sure the potential client has a clear understanding of our company, the program, and benefits of using our service. If I put everything I wanted into this piece, I would have 10-15 pages. This is not what I want, so any insight and help would be great.

Posted by: SRyan ;] Member Response
12/15/2004 12:46 PM (CST)
Welcome to the forum! You appear to be a new member, so let me start by recommending that you take a look at some of the excellent articles on this subject published by MarketingProfs.

There's a Search box at the top right corner of this page. Try the keywords "sales letter" there, and you'll see what I mean.

It's something worthwhile as you're waiting for the rest of the Experts here to respond to your question...

Shelley ;]
 
Posted by: Michele Member Response
12/16/2004 5:26 AM (CST)
This is slightly more tricky than it appears at face value.

What you may find you need to do is create a range of pieces that place different emphases on which of your value propositions to focus on.

Test these by posting a small set to a random selection of your database. Measure the response rates for the various pieces of communication. The one that gets the highest response rate is the one that you should send out the the balance of the database.

Things which seem as arbitrary as the type of envelope you use for your direct mail campaign can have a real impact on the response rate.

The design of the material is almost as important as the wording. A clear design, with generous amounts of white space and short paragraphs with headings will work better than one page of undifferentiated text.

So - what is the key 'What is In It For Me' to focus on?

A heading like: "Consolidate your debt and clear your blacklisting' - may work.

Remember to add a clear call to action at the end of the mail. Experts also say that a PS generally works quite well.

Summary:
- test, test and test again!
- change your message to suit the market segment
- end with a direct call to action
- use white space in your design.

Good luck,
Michele
 
Posted by: Michele Member Response
12/16/2004 5:28 AM (CST)
PS
Why have you got a two page restriction. If you are clear about your value propostiion, and it is well written, you should be able to get your message across on one page. Less is more.
 
Posted by: jloswald* Author Response
12/16/2004 8:15 AM (CST)
I was going to use 2 pages to have a comparison graph of bankruptcy, consumer counseling, and our service. I was also thinking about using testimonials on the 2nd page. Should their be color in the sales letter. I was also thinking of using manilla envelopes. I figured a little bit more money on these would insure the letter gets opened.

Jason
 
Posted by: Michele Member Response
12/16/2004 9:48 AM (CST)
You need to see this letter as part of an overall direct marketing campaign.

Your letter ends with a call to action - to either
- phone you (toll free ideally)
- visit your website
- our send a fax / post a letter

to find out more about the service.

I would keep the content down to the bare minimum to stimulate interest, and leave the rest for round two.

A media planner I know keeps telling me that the golden rule for media planning is 'concentrate and dominate' - so if you could spend some money on radio / banner advertising at the same time, by the time your letter arrives, your prospects have already heard of you, which makes them far more likely to read your letter.

Have you considered using a sales channel - like other brokers on a commission basis? That may help bolster your resources.

Should the letter be colour? It depends. If you want it to look like a formal business letter, then selective colour (in your letterhead and for headings) is appropriate. If you want it to be a bit more exciting, then yes. Colour is correct. The guiding principal to this decision is your overall brand personality - and the tone and content of the letter.

Sounds horrid, but luminous green or orange envelopes tend to draw more attention than Manila ones.

Envelopes with a 'window' are more likely to get opened than ones without.

Michele.
 
Posted by: jloswald* Author Response
12/16/2004 12:11 PM (CST)
I was looking towards document size manila envelopes. Full sheet ones. Our leads are coming from mortgage brokers on their turn down files. We are basically trying to keep our affilliation with the mortgage company out of our sales letter. So it is a cold sale. What do you think of the header.

Warning: Creditors Are not On your side!
They want you in debt; not out.

We are trying to keep costs to a minimum on this project, we have 1000 leads that we are going to be sending a mailing to. What's the most cost effective, and would you recommend window envelopes, as opposed to the large manila envelopes. I always thought a hand written letter would be more likely to be opened then a windowed envelope.

Is this wrong.

Sincerely, Jason
 
Posted by: Ambidextrous Member Response
12/16/2004 12:18 PM (CST)
Along the lines of Michelle's reco.s: Maybe you should try a mass mailing initially of a double-post (fold-over postcard that is printed with a reply on one half).

As far as the messaging, it seems you want to break it into...Avoiding Bankruptcy...Negotiate Your Debt...Difference of our company vs. "Credit Counselling." From what I understand, your future credit-worthiness can be compromised by these services. What people want is to get out of the hole and back to building credit. They need to know how much they can afford to pay/spend each month. So if you're offering "consulting" you may be able to get some quality leads...not just more b-d paper.
 
Posted by: laurenceainsworth* Member Response
12/16/2004 12:42 PM (CST)
I would suggest that as a starting point you get into the mind of your audience. The people you want are going to be highly stressed and very sensitive (at least for the most part) about their position. What you say has to be comforting and reassuring otherwise they wont trust you enough to talk to you.

So your 2 pager should start by
1 empathising and understanding how they got where they are, then
2 go on to explain the common misconception that people can only do this which is horrible or that, which is worse.
3 You then offer a third way which is nowhere near as bad as the other option(s) pointing out your success rate. Quotes from satisfied clients would also help.

And finally a call to action, eg for a free confidential discussion contact us on xxxxxxx and we’ll arrange to help you as soon as we can.

As far as envelopes are concerned, remember who your mailing to. If your in debt you dread the post and anything that looks remotely like a bill (a windowed envelope for example) will get binned. In these circumstances a hand written A5 type envelope is a must
 
Posted by: jloswald* Author Response
12/16/2004 2:27 PM (CST)
Ambidextrous.....yes the negative credit thing is a problem with most other organizations. With ours, they are mortgage turn downs, this is usually caused by bad credit; therefore this does not play as an issue of concern when we are trying to market to these individuals.
 
Posted by: jloswald* Author Response
12/16/2004 2:30 PM (CST)
laurenceainsworth,

that was quality input on my dilemma. I appreciate your input.

Sincerely,
Jason
 
Posted by: jloswald* Author Response
12/17/2004 12:19 AM (CST)
This is what I've started for a sales letter: Let me know if the flow through is good. If it grabs attention. If I am going towards the right direction. Also, would you recommend putting my logo on top with address and contact information.


WARNING: Creditors are not on Your Side.
They want you in DEBT; not out!


Every day Millions of Americans are trying to keep up on their credit cards; and end up getting further behind every month. Creditors keep sending offers for more credit in the mail and the debts keep piling up. Soon you have a mountain of debt and not enough money to keep up with the minimum payments. Miss one payment and creditors are calling and demanding; even harassing, you for payment in full.

Many of these consumers don’t know what to do. They feel their only options are to use a costly credit counseling or even file for Bankruptcy, because they felt there was no other option. Maybe, you are one of these consumers who feels like there is no way out of debt.

That’s where National Debt Consultants fits in. We want to help you get out of debt, unlike your creditors who only want to help you when you are in good standing with them.

At National Debt Consultants we understand the everyday problems consumers like yourself face. That is why we have developed a program to work with everyone’s specific situation to help them get out of debt in as little as 12-36 months.

These are just a few of the benefits our service can provide you:


Sincerely, Jason
 
Posted by: Frances* Member Response
12/17/2004 5:02 PM (CST)
Hi there

I would start off the letter with something like:

Here's how you can get out of debt - permanently.
Or
Read this if you are serious about getting out of debt.

Certainly, put your address, logo and contact details at the top of the letter. Remember to bold or otherwise highlight your contact details.

About what you've written: I understand it's but a first draft - but it's waffly. Some tips to solve the problem:

1. Edit down! You can say what you're saying in half the words.

2. Use a headline above each paragraph or two - this allows readers to get the gist of the letter at a glance.

3. Incorporate some questions, instead of just statement after statement. Vary the length of your sentences. Don't you agree this makes things more readible?

4. A subtle point: Your intro line is really aggressive - perhaps this is correct for your target market: you would know much more about this than I do. But I do know that if I needed these services, I would prefer a gentler approach, rather than the exclamation-mark 'shouting' of WARNING!

5. In terms of length: Keep your letter to one page. If you need another page, attach a one-page document to the lettter.

Hope that helps.

ps. you also could hire a copywriter for the job. It'd add a lot of value - and wouldn't take much time (or money) compared to your overall spend.
 
Posted by: Sharon Moderator Response
12/17/2004 5:14 PM (CST)
Jason,

I agree with Frances. If these people have just been turned down for a mortgage, they are pretty down in general, and may need a gentler, "we're on your side" approach. I agree to keep the letter to one page, but use call outs -- either section headers or bold face minimally so that the whole letter isn't "screaming" ... decide the three or so things you really want your reader to know and do, and bold face those in copy, or use the header idea Frances suggests.

I'd also be careful on asking questions. Make sure all the possible answers are acceptable to you before putting a question in your letter. Personally, they annoy me, but I'm just one person.

Finally, it is my feeling that people are pretty savvy about direct mail tactics, and are usually skeptical unless you can tell them in a positive way what's in it for you, the company. This is a risky proposition, I know, but I think it adds credibility to imply how the company benefits from the relationship. Especially in the business you appear to be in. I know that some of these debt reduction companies say "avoid bankruptcy" but when you get into the deal, it still turns out that the consumer's use of the debt reduction co is still reported negatively to a credit bureau, kind of negating the perceived benefit. Anyway, I guess what I am saying, make sure you are up front about the arrangement and the customers aren't disappointed or worse angry when they start investigating the offer.

I hope this is helpful.

Good luck to you.

Sharon
 
Posted by: jloswald* Author Response
12/17/2004 6:43 PM (CST)
Okay, I was trying to use the guidelines of an article posted on this site. To find a problem, offer a solution, credentials, etc.

Maybe, I am going about it wrong. There is mention of using a copywriter. Do you guys know of an inexpensive one? Any recommendations on that?

Pleae, let me know,

Sincerely, Jason
 
Posted by: jose04 Member Response
12/17/2004 9:37 PM (CST)
Hi jloswald

You just have to take care of some of the ideas, Frances and Sharon have given above. A good copywriter too does the same thing.

Just to add to the advice. I would look for speficity, (eg. When you say "Millions of Americans are trying to keep up on their credit cards", i would like to see the exact number with a reference).

The old Sales letter format AIDA, still works! How do you build Attention, Interest, Desire and Action?

You have created attention by an attractive headline. Now you have to think of your follow through...

-What's your interest creating line?

-Desire building needs you to build on a case history, a success story.

-All this have to be done as cryptically as possible

-Your action line needs to give a deadline or a time frame to get you a response

If you feel i can help you further, do drop me a line. Check out my profile first (just click on jose04 above)

All the best!

Hope these thought help!!
 
Posted by: Michele Member Response
12/18/2004 7:56 AM (CST)
Hi there

Frances is an excellent copywriter, and her rates are reasonable given that she charges in SA Rands!

Michele
 
Posted by: jloswald* Author Response
12/18/2004 11:08 PM (CST)
Everyone has great advise, little confused on what direction I should go. One party says one way, another says a different way. I would be interested in knowing how much all entities would charge to take care of this project.

Sincerely, Jason
 
Posted by: Frances* Accepted Answer
12/19/2004 3:07 PM (CST)
Hi Jason

I think you have received a lot of good advice above - and it just needs to be consolidated...

Just wondering: I see that you have also posted a web critique question, in which you said that you used a writer. Since this writer already knows about your business, why not use them for your letter as well?

Also, going on with what Michele said in an earlier post, you could do some different versions, and track which ones are most effective.

I hope I've been of some help
Frances

ps. I also sent you an email with some info.
 
Posted by: jloswald* Author Response
12/19/2004 3:58 PM (CST)
Frances, my copywriter did a fine job on the site. I just want a different direction with my sales letter. I want to get different input, try new venues......Variety is the spice of life, and I feel is also an essence to success. I'm not one to keep all my eggs in one basket, I guess you could say.

Sincerely, Jason
 


Get more answers ... ReTweet this!

Would you like to post a response?
Welcome to Know-How Exchange!
This is a collaborative community. We welcome everyone's participation.
All you need to do is login. Enter your account info in the box above (top right).
Not a member? Not a problem. Register here (it's FREE and EASY).




Know-How Exchange powered by MarketingProfs


Sponsored Links

Buy a Link Now

Just Released ... Download Today!
Just Released ... Download Today!
Look inside
Included with Premium Membership
User Name:
Password:
Remember Me
Forgot your password?

Top 25 KHE Experts
(Copywriting)
mgoodman (4915)
Peter Hobday (4400)
darcy.moen (3862)
Jay Hamilton-Roth (3593)
Frank Hurtte (2320)
PhilGrisolia=Results (2212)
Gary Bloomer (1793)
michael (1423)
Inbox_Interactive (1309)
mbarber (1260)
jkaplan (1250)
CarolBlaha (1145)
D4Demand (1061)
telemoxie (925)
W.M.M.A. (910)
stevea (896)
SteveByrneBranding (855)
thinkmor (846)
shghosh (814)
Deremiah *CPE (700)
Corpcommer (679)
Pepper Blue (658)
Jo Masterson (637)
ASVP/ChrisB (636)
ksalter (629)
Recently Posted Marketing Jobs
Director of Marketing and Communications
Demand Generation Manager
Marketing/Advertising Faculty
Director of Marketing
Market Analyst
Sr. Field Marketing Manager - Business Intell.
Associate Vice President of Marketing and Corporat
Marketing Manager
[more jobs]

Join over 355,000 members ... SIGN UP!

My email address is and I'd like my password to be .

Already a member? Sign In!

My email address is , and my password is .


HACKER SAFE certified sites prevent over 99.9% of hacker crime.