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How to Be the Worst Email Marketer in 10 Easy Steps

by Karol Król  |  
June 24, 2014

Trying to be the best email marketer possible is just too mainstream, if you ask me. Really, why not aim to be the worst one instead? Besides, from the looks of things, many other marketers have already started pursuing this goal: There's no other sensible explanation to some of their practices.

So this post/guide/tutorial is for them. And, actually, for everyone who wants to be the worst email marketer online (for whatever reason).

And, first of all, good news: being the worst email marketer is a lot easier than being the best; but it still does involve some work on your part.

1. Send only promotional emails

This is the most important rule. To be the worst email marketer on the planet, you absolutely have to be sending promotional emails only. No useful content. No advice about anything. Just promotion.

You know, creating good content is too expensive and time-consuming. To create content, you actually have to possess some knowledge about something. But to promote an affiliate product, for example... you don't need anything at all.

And, of course, even when you promote your own products, don't invest in good copy, because there's no point. Just list a number of fake benefits, put a "buy now" link at the bottom, and press "send." Should be just fine.

2. Send emails twice a day

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Karol Król is a blogger, writer, and team member at SendinBlue, an email marketing service you can grow with.

Twitter: @carlosinho

LinkedIn: Karol Król

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  • by MJN Tue Jun 24, 2014 via web

    Soooo funny but very informative! Thanks for literally making me laugh out loud!

  • by Robyn Tue Jun 24, 2014 via web

    This really made my day! It's quite scary just how many of these 'marketers' are still out there.

  • by Cynthia McGarity Tue Jun 24, 2014 via web

    I. LOVE. THIS. Thank you for making me laugh all while teaching a great deal on a pretty important topic. The best kind of learning!

  • by Scott Hardigree Tue Jun 24, 2014 via web

    As embodied by the :-)

  • by Margie Dana Tue Jun 24, 2014 via web

    Love this for so many reasons - thanks! I'd add these practices, too:

    11. Don't bother testing your HTML emails to see how they'll look on different browsers. Go ahead, take your chances that some of your recipients will see tons of code and copy overlapping copy.

    12: Start your subject line with the deceit-filled "Re:" so that the recipient naturally assumes you're emailing in response to one of her/his emails.

    13. Don't worry about sending emails that smack of unprofessionally written content. Let all your misspelled words and poor use of punctuation fly with abandon.

  • by Gavin Tue Jun 24, 2014 via web

    Your forgot, don't worry about opt in, just send generic unsolicited mail by the billion.

  • by Karol Wed Jun 25, 2014 via web

    Thanks for the comments, guys!

    Margie, thanks for suggesting those 3 ideas. #12 is spot on. I probably get a fake "Re:" email every day.

  • by Fabienne Raphael Wed Jun 25, 2014 via web

    Hey Karol,

    What a great, surprising, original and unexpected way to share great content!

    Unfortunately, if you are writing about this, it is because tons of people don't care about how to do things properly and do exactly these 10 things with their email marketing. I do receive emails like that too!

    I am truly wondering if these bad email marketers react the same way when they receive an email like theirs, but from another bad marketer...

    I would add #14. Not having an unsubscribe button or having one that does not work...

    Great post Karol!

  • by Karol Thu Jun 26, 2014 via web

    Hi Fabienne,

    Thanks for commenting.

    To be honest, I'm not sure I'm getting many emails with the unsubscribe button not working. Does that really happen that often?

  • by Genia Wed Jul 16, 2014 via web

    This is good stuff. Would like to use it in a talk with young professionals, is that ok?

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