Know-How Exchange : Customer Behavior

This doesn't sound like a marketing problem of the traditional sort. It's more about managing a personal relationship that has crept into the professional arena.

So question number one: Do you think your retort was out of order? If not, then why would you even want to work with this boor? Let him come to you and apologize if he wants to maintain the relationship.

If so, then maybe you want to let him know that you feel you overreacted and want to apologize and clear the air.

Being harrassed by men is, I'm afraid part of life in a modern, democratic nation. It is how many men are made. This may not apply to all men, there are some genuinely gentlemanly types out there - my understanding is that many of them have inner tensions they'd rather avoid having to deal with.So let's have a look at what a man is doing when he tags you with an offensive nickname. Because it's not the sort of thing that's going to endear him to you, is it? Usually belittling people happens because they want to feel bigger than you are - the nub of the issue is that inside themselves they know they can't. Their only recourse is to intimidate you, so that they have the illusion that they are superior.

So let's have a look at what a man is doing when he tags you with an offensive nickname. Because it's not the sort of thing that's going to endear him to you, is it? Usually belittling people happens because they want to feel bigger than you are - the nub of the issue is that inside themselves they know they can't. Their only recourse is to intimidate you, so that they have the illusion that they are superior.

In my book such people do not make for good clients. They are also usually male. Does he need what you're supplying - could he just hire someone else? My feelings are that if you're not desperate for the work, you're better off without him. The other alternative, and it works very well is to make sure you're paid up front (giving the necessary guarantees of course).

The real issue here is establishing a professional relationship with your clients. That does rather imply that they are capable of establishing professional relationships themselves - and men in particular are extremely adept at forming cliques and professional groups where all danger of untoward opinion is excluded. That is to say, they are on safe ground because nobody's going to rock their boat. They get very upset when someone does.

Since this is a marketing forum, take a look at your client list. Look especially for the clients who have returned - and look especially for any commonalities in character, situation or personality. In some way that will be your key to finding more people like them - and you now know the kind of person you want to exclude from your lead-generation activities!

I think it's important to realize that women are considerably more adept at social situations than men are. As Mr Goodman points out, apologies cost little. The other side is that they'll strengthen a bond - but only when there is a bond.

Good morning,

as mentioned, unpleasant behavior from a client does not lead to a positive relationship. The point is that some clients (not all, but in around 75% of cases) the client who's been offended will be the kind who'd be offended by the way you open a door. Or the color of your shoes. Or the fact that you're too thin, too fat or too short. Or too tall for that matter.

My point is that they're the kind of people who find offence. It's their reaction to a world that they have no control over - and it's something they desperately want. That this is only given to the gods means they're in for a hard time. Well, you guessed it, they don't like having a hard time either. The point is that they'll find fault in you because you did not meet their requirements. You're too thin, too tall or failed to meet their mental conception of you in some way or other. This upsets them and it is you that must be to blame since they're in control. As it were.

The issue here is that they're not acting in a way that makes for a positive and constructive relationship. You will find that ALL your best customers - the ones who say thankyou, pay by the due date of your invoices, they give you small extensions to make revisions which you've agreed on. All the common civilities that two people who are striving for the best will allow - because they need a good result and won't let any problems get in the way of that. If a problem emerges they'll be on the phone to you and will be asking what you can do about it because they'd forgotten to mention this aspect of the work. It'll put the project back a week, mean you have to revise 20% of your work. They'll ask you to get on with it and trust that you'll send them the official notification by post along with an indication of how much this extra work will cost them.

After all, you're the only person they know of who is so good at what she does. Plus you're so easy to talk to! That problem they'd had, nobody had thought of that aspect until two weeks into the project. They had a discussion and nobody was brave enough to phone you ... so Peter pulled the short straw. He picked up the phone, feeling terrified that you'd hit the roof, shout at him for being so stupid.

And you respond in your calm manner, immediately you put him at his ease. He was able to discuss the problems in full openness, agreeing that it was something that was easy to overlook - and yes, you learned from it too because you can remind customers about this in the future. Just in case, as it were.

Peter puts the phone down feeling fantastic. It all went so easily! Thinking what a wonderful person to work with.

THE HARD BIT

Is putting all this waffle into your own context. It's one thing to rabbit on about how bad clients all share a common psychology when it's your problem we need to solve.

However there will be one aspect of your relationship that is the fulcrum here. There will be one thing that your bad clients find distasteful, and that will be some aspect of your own personality. That's why in parts of my blurb I tell people that being questioned by me is like being stripped of their clothing - in a busy street. The problem here is that the answer does lie in you. It is and will be personal - it will only feel like everybody can see you.

The issue here is that you do these things anyway - to many people who have not formed their self-image correctly, being shown it so clearly is offensive to them. That's when they explode (as one did last week - and threatened me with a libel suit. I mean, it could actually be in the post, I don't know ... ). The point is you're the messenger, not the letter you bring. Everyone sees what these people do, but never have the courage to tell them to their faces (again the response to his outrage was telling - these things get noticed!) Since you're the only person saying it, then it is YOU who must be wrong. Hence you must be offensive and it is justifiable to tell you that you're a mean and nasty person (just as this other person did!).

Bad clients are bad clients - it's just that your bad clients are, well, yours. They'll be offended by some aspect of your personality that puts the spotlight on one of their weaknesses. As mentioned, this is something that's relatively personal - yet it's something you do all the time. More importantly, your best clients love you for it.

The very thing that inspires rage in one will inspire trust and an ongoing relationship that's based on trust.

In short, there is an simple answer - but it's not easy to find. If you get me.

So:

1) Work out why that guy was offended. What was it that triggered that outburst?

2) Relate that to everything you do - and realize that you do this all the time.

3) Do it again, and again*.

4) Work out who it is that needs this very thing!

5) Find more of them.

It'll work like magic to bring you good clients. Guaranteed.

(*If they're offended by this, demur in any way, don't like your tone, etc. etc. etc. Tell them to their face that they're a bad client. I do and it works wonders. In other words, they will go and insult someone else. But they won't need to: that other person doesn't have your skills and won't provide the exceptionally high quality you provide. Dang! this psychology's so simple yet so hard to put into words!! Remember that you were defending the quality of your work and you won't allow people to demand you do a poor job for them.

If - and it is an "if" - they come to you and apologize, say they'd like to work with you, tell them you'll accept them on strict terms -10% surcharge, or no guarantees, something of a wall for them to have to climb. If they still climb it, accept them. They've proved they're prepared to learn how to form a relationship with you).

If the person who tagged you was female, how would you respond differently?
If a male friend of yours experienced the treatment, how would they respond?
Since people's behavior is generally a reflection of themselves, and not you - can you learn not take it personally?
Learn to interview prospective clients to avoid such problems in the future. Make it clear that you won't put up with such behavior from the beginning.

A business dealing should be a trade - you get something, they get something, you both end up better off. But if someone contracts with you, that doesn't give them the right to treat you like dirt. "I'm sorry but that's not acceptable to me," or "Can we keep it professional please" or "I don't like that kind of language" or "What would your mother/wife/daughter say if..." said early will help establish limits. If a man is making you uncomfortable, then having an additional female in the house will help. Be calm, level and professional but do not let that stop you being clear that there are limits and areas that you see as intolerable behaviour. If it gets too bad, then sometimes you have to walk away.

hazelsinterieurs

I'm not completely onside with the general tenor of the advice given above. As far as I am concerned, you have acted entirely appropriately with professionalism and authority. He was a bully, you gave him what he deserved. You weren't rude to him, you just told him what you didn't want to happen again. But the poor precious lad couldn't take the fact that a feisty lady has called him out. I am so proud of you for doing that. You are an inspiration. I would like to help you where I can. If you are agreeable, pls email me at {Email address deleted by staff]. I'm Graham. I would love to have a chat with you.

All I can say is that I've been through this in the last ten years.

I can only agree with Chiron when he says "But the poor precious lad couldn't take the fact that a feisty lady has called him out. I am so proud of you for doing that."

People like the man who insulted you have cost me substantial amounts of money. Life's better without their being around! And believe me, your better clients will love you for being feisty. It means they get more value, and in business there's nothing better.

So whatever you did to that poor lamb, do more of it. It's your touchstone for quality.