Question

Topic: Copywriting

Is This Copy Funny Or Worrisome?

Posted by alison on 8/1/2016 at 8:55 PM ET 50 Points
My business partner and I can't agree if this copy is appropriate for a marketing postcard we have developed. We want to keep our brand lighthearted and appeal to the LARGE student and you professional market in our area but I don't want to end up on a no fly list so I need a little input on whether or not the humor is appropriately used in this piece or perhaps too much! Copy is below:

We get it. Travel days are stressful! Stuffing all you can in a carry-on suit case, checking your flight status a dozen times, clamoring to check-in online to secure priority boarding status, oh and precisely measuring 3.4 ounces of your favorite shampoo into a tiny plastic bottle! You haven't even left yet and you are already over it! And while we can't help you if you decide to make an ill-advised bomb joke in the airport security line, we definitely can take the hassle and expense out of getting to and from the airport.

After years of dealing with the frustration, hefty fees and even a vehicle break in while using airport parking, our local founders decided that the City of Champions deserved a better option. We are proud to introduce Tuscaloosa’s one and only round-the-clock, dedicated airport shuttle service - Scuttle Shuttle. Book your seat online 24/7 and pay via our secure website. With extremely affordable rates and a strict no tipping policy, it is the most economical way to get to the airport and get flying.

CLICK. RIDE. FLY. It really is that simple.
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RESPONSES

  • Posted by Jay Hamilton-Roth on 8/1/2016 at 11:29 PM Accepted
    Probably too much text for a postcard. I'd also recommend ditching the bomb joke reference. Your second paragraph is much stronger than your first. You could easily combine the two paragraphs and wind up with a better message. And I assume you have a great photo to anchor your message to...
  • Posted by alison on 8/1/2016 at 11:31 PM Author
    Thanks for the feedback. there is imagery on the front of the card. I adjusted the copy
  • Posted on 8/3/2016 at 7:25 PM Member
    I agree; cut the copy and ditch the joke. Humor can be a compelling brand attribute, but don't sacrifice clarity.

    I STRONGLY advise that you dramatically shorten this copy to fit a postcard format. Be sure to speak to the pains you specifically solve. You can't help people with packing or security lines, so don't focus on those. It sounds like your key benefits are convenience, cost, and security. Everything should speak to that - or whatever you identify as you map out your messaging. You might also consider how you position against alternatives like Uber.

    SUGGESTED EDITS:

    {Front of card}

    Air travel is stressful—but getting to and from the airport doesn't have to be.
    Meet Scuttle Shuttle, your dedicated around-the-clock airport shuttle service. 

    {Back of card}

    After years of dealing with frustration (of what? finding a spot? late taxis?), hefty parking fees, and even a vehicle break-in while using airport parking, our local founders decided that the City of Champions deserved better.

    Presenting Scuttle Shuttle

    -24/7 online booking
    -Secure online payment
    -Affordable rates
    -Strict no-tipping policy
    -(anything other benefits your customers care about - safe drivers, wheelchair accessible, car seats, on-time promise, 24/7 customer service?)

    (Can you include a special discount code e.g. Get 10% off your first ride?)
    www.yoururl.com
    CLICK. RIDE. FLY. It really is that simple.
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