As a rule, I don’t usually write “how to” pieces. I’m not quite sure why that is—call it a neurotic obsession with the theoretical. I am about to make an exception.
The reason for my exception is simple: I have received so many badly written, badly constructed, just all around Bad email newsletters as of late that I have reached my personal tipping point (with a hat deferred to Malcolm). As such, I’m about to get viral on your, um, bum.
ERIC’S RULES FOR WRITING A DECENT EMAIL NEWSLETTER
Rule #1. De-program the Consultancy
If you hired some high-priced consulting firm to tell you how to write an email newsletter, find the printed version of their comments and burn them. Next—having assembled all of the individuals that dealt with that firm—hire one of those professional cult de-programmers and turn him loose. If that fails, fire (and/or dispose of) those individuals.
You must eradicate the residue of intellectual drivel that these “experts” were hired to spread. Fact: If your friends wrote emails to you in the tone that such experts advise, you would gladly become a lonely hermit--wandering the Himalayas in search of meaning.
Rule #2. Disable the “personalization” naming software.
Yes, its spring—and baseball is in the air—well, at least baseball bats.
Take your trusty Louisville Slugger into work tomorrow. Stroll happily into the cavernous space containing the software program that puts “Dear <insert name>” into your email newsletter—and begin swinging.
We all know that a machine does this type of “name personalization”. In fact, it so smarmy in its low-level deceptiveness that it makes your email look like a used car salesman wrote it. It is the height of hucksterism.
Rule #3. Focus on the obvious
What, I ask you, is the obvious core of all email newsletters? Writing.
Its time to throw out those graphics programs (boy, these rules are starting to feel like a spring cleaning) -- unless you’re sending a purely graphic email along the lines of Land’s End— get back to text.
I’ve become convinced that the html email frenzy is due to the fact that, as Nick Usborne has pointed out, organizations never think about the importance of writers. Usually, a company decides to write an email newsletter—and then finds Bob the IT guy, or Suzy the Marketer to do the writing. This is like having me crochet the company’s new logo—not a good idea.
Email newsletters must be superbly written. Thus, superb writers must write them. And to complicate matters, those writers must actually know something about which they are writing. (Did I just hear my rates go up?)
Rule #4. Power to the Person
Let’s say you’ve been lucky enough to find Jim Bob—an employee that can write well, knows what he’s talking about, and doesn’t mind the usual spate of insults and critiques that flood your inbox after writing an email newsletter. The absolute worst thing you can do is to put verbal cuffs on Jim Bob and ask him to make sure he “properly conveys the professional nature of our company.” In all reality, you should be begging Jim Bob to be himself—and tell about himself in the emails.
Jim Bob should start like this:
“Hello there, Most Valued Readers.
My name is Jim Bob, and I’m the poor schmuck that was hornswaggled into writing this email newsletter.
Not having much interest in doing this, I have decided that in order to keep my own attention span somewhere above the limit of 1 second, I’m going to actually tell you what I think. As such, you should not expect the usual corporate blather and endless sales pitches that are found in most email newsletters. If that is what you’re desiring, please see Suzy the Marketer’s weekly send.”
Upon writing this, Jim Bob should receive a raise.
Rule #5. Remember your purpose.
Lastly, remember your purpose. What is your purpose, you ask? Simple: to say something interesting. One hint here: sales pitches are rarely interesting. If you really believe that the aim of your email newsletter should be to sell more stuff, then do all of us a favor and kill the idea of writing an email newsletter.
Email newsletters do not, should not, and will not sell more stuff. They will—if done correctly—more closely engage a readership with a human being at your organization. They will engender trust. They may stimulate a little thinking. They could even bring a smile to someone’s face. And if this happens, then that person might forward your little email onto to a friend...and the next thing you know...
