Know-How Exchange : Other

HI SUZE,

I have enjoyed your posts over the years and I'm looking forward to many more. Please take care and my thoughts are with you.

For better or worse here are a few:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"

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TV journalist Linda Ellerbee wrote about some of her cancer experiences and of being bald in the January 1993 edition of McCall's :
That summer I bought some breast prostheses to use while swimming. Instead of fastening them to my skin with Velcro as the directions instructed, I simply inserted the prostheses into my bathing suit. When I came out of the water, one had migrated around to my back! Now, how can you not laugh at such a thing? Either you laugh or you cry your eyes out. . . . It's something I've tried to teach my kids as well. When my 23-year-old daughter saw me with my bald head and no breast, she said, "You look just like a Buddha without the wisdom," and we both howled. I think we are never braver than when we stand tall and look into the sun and laugh. Laughter may be a form of courage.

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Question: "What do you call a young woman who keeps getting lymphoma over and over again?"
Answer: "A lymphomaniac."

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The Courage to Laugh: Humor, Hope and Healing in the Face of Death and Dying. The following story is a prime example.
"Leo was in the last stages of liver cancer. When he came to my office, he looked egg-yolk yellow. He reported that a hoped-for decision was not possible, that his ex-wife was already closing in for part of his estate, that his lawyer had said, "Don't worry, you're basically bankrupt," and that the pain was becoming intolerable. For some reason my spontaneous response was, "Other than that, how's your week been?" I was immediately concerned I had been inappropriate. However, Leo was laughing so hard I could hardly understand him as he said, "Thank goodness, someone still thinks I am alive! I am so tired of everyone treating everything so seriously."


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An Irishman named Mike O'Leary went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Mike in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you... you have a cancer known as Galloping Leukemia and it can't be cured. I give you two weeks to a month."
Mike, who was shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son, who had been waiting. Mike said, "Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints."
After three or four pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs, some tears, and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Mike's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Mike told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave O'Leary their condolences and they all had a few more beers.
After his friends left, Mike's son leaned over and whispered in confusion, "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer. You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS."
Mike replied, "I am dying from cancer, son. I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone.
— Author Unknown

Hey Suze,

My dad's an eye surgeon and he once related this operation that happened:
The particular operation in question was a very run-of -the -mill one. It was a straightfoward surgery and there were no unforseen problems. While operating, the eye had to constantly be cleaned with water from a small hose, and then that waste water was drained. The problem occured when the pipe developed a leak and started falling on my dad's pants while he was operating.
Now, naturally, he couldn't just stop and correct this little problem, so just kept going on working... and told the nurses to correct the problem. The nurses were running around but nothing seemed to get done. More water leaked down and my dad started getting irritated. He began screaming at the nurses to do SOMETHING. Still, hustling and bustling.... but nothing was done.

He finally finished the operation with difficulty and immediatley proceeded to give the nurses and all those in the operation room a piece of his mind. It was a big piece mind you. One of the nurses began to cry.
Finally my dad calmed down and then asked...

"So tell me.... what have we learned from this little incident?"

Nobody answered... all were looking at my dad.

He answered... "Dont fuck with Randy when his jocks are wet!"




Best Of Luck!!

Ariez Thomas

Hi Suze

It is painful to hear the news of your ill health. I admire your courage to face this challenge with humor and tenacity. just to inform you, my paternal was suffering from the same disease and after her prolonged treatment she is fine now. I wish you a very quick recovery and my prayers are with you.

here are some jokes for you to feel better.

1. Missing God:

There were two young brothers aged 8 and 7 in a neighborhood. They were the mence of the highest order, anyhting that goes wrong, missing, borken, any kid is crying outside of the home, any kid in pain; the neighborhood people knew these two brother were involved. The neighbors as well as the parents of these two brothers were exasperated. The parents have been trying every possible thing to bring them to terms but no avail. The brothers were such a menace even the neighborhood priest fled the area!!

So a new priest came into the neighborhood, he was a stern guy. So parents of the brothers went to him and requested him to bring the brothers in sanity. Accordingly the priest asked the parents to send the younger child to him on the next sunday.

on sunday the younger brother of 7 years was sent to the Priest at church. after the service the priest started to have a face-to-face conversation with him.
The priest asked the boy "Do you know where is God?".

The kid remained silent.

Then the priest again asked "Where is God"

The kid still remained silent.

This time the priest got real angry and asked the kid loudly "WHERE IS GOD"

The young kid of 7 years got real scared and ran away from him and stopped at his home in his room. His elder brother, who was in the room, asked "What happened"

The younger brother said, "We are in deep trouble, GOD is missing and they think we did it !!!"



2. Influencial Person

One fine moment God decided to end end the earth. So he called the 3 most influential person, George Bush, Fidel Castro and Bill Gates. GOD told them that he will end/destroy earth in 3 days time and HE wanted the 3 to tell all on earth on this matter. So, they all 3 came back to earth and went into work.

George Bush went into live TV on a televised address to all viewers of the world. He said, "I have good news and a bad news. The good news is we were right, there is GOD; the bad news is HE is going to end the world in 3 days"

Fidel Castro went on to Live radio address to all the revolutionary. He said, "I have a bad news and worse news. The bad news is we were wrong, there is indeed a GOD; the worse news is HE is going to end the world in 3 days"

Bill Gates went on live via webcast. He said "I have good news and better news. God thinks I am one of the 3 most influencial person on earth. The better news is since HE is ending the world in 3 days you folks wont have to upgrade your Windows XP"


hope that cheers you up!!

good luck and god bless you, dear.