Question

Topic: SEO/SEM

Landing Page Update - Take 3

Posted by AriRose on 9/25/2008 at 9:19 AM ET 250 Points
Hi. Over the past 6 months I've asked the forum for feedback on our landing pages, for our high-ticket Human Resources Outsourcing services. I've incorporated many of your ideas, have studied landing page theory in more detail and implemented changes but am STILL not satisfied with conversions (a request for appointment) and high bounce rate (80%).

What I see from Analytics is that the second most viewed page on our site is the "About Us" page. It makes me think that our visitors already know about our industry and are researching a short-list of vendors.

Should I assume then our landing page should speak to "short-list" research, and not "tell me what this industry is all about"?

See www.cpehr.com/california-hroutsourcing.

Thanks.
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  • Posted by AriRose on 9/25/2008 at 9:20 AM Author
    Sorry - bad link (it picked up the period). Try
    https://www.cpehr.com/california-hroutsourcing
  • Posted by Jay Hamilton-Roth on 9/25/2008 at 9:44 AM Member
    Start by reducing the amount of information you require for the free analysis. You'll get that eventually, but keep it to the basics: name & email. They'll call you if they want to talk to you, but email may be less intimidating.

    Yes, your page should talk to your prospects about how you can help them (you can move the "about the industry" to a "background" page).
  • Posted by Inbox_Interactive on 9/25/2008 at 9:49 AM Accepted
    I have several comments, working down the page from the top to the bottom.

    I do not think you are maximizing the value of the real estate available at the top of the page. Chances are, the visitor does not know who CPEhr is. I would consider adding some copy in that banner-size area to say something like, "Serving the HR Industry for over 25 Years" or something along those lines. It highlights the important fact that you've been around a while. I'm not sure the logo with the 25th anniversary addition achieves the same thing.

    I find your first few lines very generic. "Reduce employment risks, contain costs, and improve your bottom line." These are very vague, and they don't help you differentiate. I also think you're taking too much copy to get where you're going.

    I can't offer you a complete rewrite of your copy here, but a few things to consider:

    I don't see the word "you" in here very much.

    I see semi-benefits, but not concrete benefits. For example, "How to implement more effective employment processes and procedures." That's great, but talk specifically about why that is a benefit. Money? Time? What? How much?

    I would not say it's a "brief" analysis. It doesn't sound valuable. How about a 30-minute consultation? Something where you're letting people know this is not a major commitment.

    When writing your copy, I'd suggest the following sections:

    Problem
    Promise
    Proof
    Proposition

    And I think that's the biggest problem with this page...you ask them to schedule the analysis before they have read the proof (your testimonials). I'd put these in before asking for anything. You might consider one in a sidebar.

    I am not a fan of your "Learn More" button. It opens up too many opportunities to get off track. They should get enough information here to decide whether they are willing to take you up on your free offer.

    I'd make the white paper that you offer a freebie/premium/giveaway that they will get access to once they complete the form. (You just send a link to it in the thank-you email that you send. This also ensures that they give you a good email address.)

    I would not call it a "Submit" (yawn!) button. You can label it "Schedule My Analysis!" or anything you want. Something more inspired than "Submit."

    In addition to having the form on the side, you might have it at the bottom, too.

    I don't know what that "back" link is, but I'd get rid of it.

    I'd change the copywright date to 2008. It looks dated with last year in there.

    Those are my immediate thoughts. I do think you need to focus on the copy first and foremost.

    Good luck.

    - Paul
  • Posted by Inbox_Interactive on 9/25/2008 at 9:51 AM Member
    Oh, "edit" function...where are you when I need you?

    "copyright..."


  • Posted by Mikee on 9/26/2008 at 5:13 PM Member
    I agree with Todd. Maybe it is just becasue this is a mock-up, but I would include the menu system that you use for the entire website. Allow people to navigate your site and learn what they want.

    I do think for a landing page this might be a little too much text. People may not wade through this to get the things you want. Hit the highlights and then link to pages that give more information.

    I would reccomend re-titling learn more to something link "Request More Info" since it is really going to a request page.

    Mike
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