Question

Topic: Other

How To Handle The Bosses

Posted by Anonymous on 3/20/2005 at 2:29 AM ET 175 Points
I work for a very small, one-year old leisure company. I am technically the marketing coordinator because I handle the PR but have also been called the office manager and have taken care of our website (mainly because I am the only one who knows what she's doing on it).

This past week, I ran into a big problem. My boss, the majority owner and the hands-on boss, called me over the weekend to tell me that her best friend and business partner had uploaded a number of photos to our website. She knows I am a control freak, so she didn't want me to panic when I saw what they had done.

When I looked at the site and the new additions, I was very upset. I had to inactivate a number of the pages that had been added because of captions that were at one extreme, lewd and sexist, and at the other, just plain stupid, full of misspellings and inaccuracies, or based on in-jokes that outsiders (read potential clients) would not understand. I talked to my boss and thought I was given permission to change anything I needed to. I set about going through each page methodically and changing captions, rearranging the order of some photos to make sense (I think that the photos should tell a story to hook the prospect and get them excited about our business), and turning the sideways photos (yes, she put some in sideways!) back to a normal orientation before restoring the page to the website. Should I mention that we are targeting an upscale market and clientele?

When the partner found out that I had shut things down, and further, that I had changed more than the supposed few that really needed to be changed, she pouted. I apparently "hurt her feelings". Now, I genuinely like both my boss and her partner, so I am upset that I have hurt anyone's feelings. But I felt that the business's interests were not being served by the unorganized, inappropriate mess she had made.

I'm getting scolded for changing things, and I feel rotten because I don't want bad feelings between us, and I don't know how to fix it. I do appreciate this partner's input and creativity in the areas that she usually handles. I can see everyone's viewpoint, but I feel that it's the business's and customers' viewpoints that count. How can I make them see that the website is a marketing tool not someone's toy?

I was, after all, brought into the company because my boss liked my writing and creative ideas. And I have written for websites before. They think they are helping me by doing this for me since I often have more work than I can handle. How can I make them take all this more seriously?

Please don't tell me to look for something else. This place has been very good for me and very supportive. I am in transition from ten years of intense caregiving for my husband who died last year. I am re-adjusting to having my own life and to figuring out what I want to do with it, and I am not yet ready to work a "normal" job with normal hours. And I really care about both the people and the success of the business. It's like a family. I just feel like I got blindsided and betrayed. Any ideas, strategies, etc. you can offer are greatly appreciated.

EV
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RESPONSES

  • Posted by Peter (henna gaijin) on 3/20/2005 at 3:00 AM Member
    Well, let's see. You seem to have a few options:

    1) to bow down and accept the changes that the partner wanted, doing only minimal corrections or improvements such as to fix mis-spellings. Would be quashing you personality and you wouldn't be doing what you think is best for the company, but would preserve the harmony of the group, allowing you to stay at this position.

    2) to stand up for what you think is the best way to go, knowing that the partner likely also thinks they know what is best. Perhaps they will accept that you manage this area and not be so quick to make major changes without your say. Or, perhaps, they will, decide you are in the way of what they think is right (and as a partner, have more say in this than you).

    3) you said not to mention your third option, but you know what it is already.

    MP is a marketing site, not a mental health site, but I think it would be best for you to find a way to readjust from your loss (perhaps see a therapist). If you don't this could be used against you such that you end up doing things which aren't right for you (make you more liekly to do suggestion #1 rather than risk #2). Or could prevent you from moving to better places (if needed, such as if this current issues becomes a big problem) with your career.
  • Posted by Pepper Blue on 3/20/2005 at 10:38 AM Member
    Hi Evanvela,

    Good advice above.

    Tough situation but very common when the brother-in-law, friend, wife etc. learns a little HTML and thinks they can improve on the website.

    It may also be that are holding the design a little too close because it is yours, we all are guilty of that. Certainly if it contains content and images that are offensive, that is not cool, but maybe you can keep some of the changes the partner made (I don't think it is a good idea to override a partner too much, that could end you career earlier than you want) and "Edit" them so that they work with overall design.

    You've made your case apparent and I would caution you not to blow this out of proportion too much or react to quickly.

    Good luck, I'm sure that if you use some of the advice you get as a result of your post things will work out!
  • Posted by Deremiah *CPE on 3/20/2005 at 10:42 AM Accepted
    evanvela,

    I hear you and I've read your concerns very carefully. Now you must hear what I have to say so please listen closely. What I will offer you is only for you if you want to become successful. The solutions I sometimes share with my clients are not for the faint hearted but for people who truly want to develop and grow from the experience. Growing and developing creates dis-comfort and as a general life rule we human beings "like our comfort". So if you're ready to grow please continue to read otherwise please STOP READING RIGHT HERE!

    2 KEYS FOR SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS
    There are two *Major things you must consider in any relationship before you can move forward...

    1.) Where is the other person coming from and what is their agenda? This will impact anything you are considering. In order to understand where the other person is coming from you must "Listen to the other person". That's where you will begin to understand their agenda (at least as much as they are willing to be transparent).

    What kind of boss and partner are you dealing with? Are they?

    Totally Transparent all the time?
    Mostly Transparent all the time?
    Semi-Transparent all the time?
    Never Transparent most of the time?

    This will help you to understand the depth of trust, "truthfulness and honesty" in your current business relationship. This will also determine how much you will probably truly understand the real intent of their agenda.

    2.) Real simple now apply the above information to you.

    YOU & THE PERSON YOU HAVE PROBLEMS WITH...

    I CAN SEE THERE IS A DEEPER PROBLEM (Trust)

    By examining the two questions above I think you can see what I'm getting at.

    "Are you all being real transparent or not?"

    It's obvious that since you have sought the advice of strangers on this forum (people you don't know) that you can be very transparent......BUT it is also equally obvious that you don't know how to be transparent with the right people (your boss and the partner you have a problem with).

    "Fear prevents us from engaging those we have a conflict with."

    What are you afraid of Evanvela? Are you afraid of being hurt or afraid of losing your job? Are you afraid of giving up control? What is it?

    Fear is--

    F-alse
    E-xpectations
    A-ppearing
    R-eal

    Your fears of not knowing how to handle the situation have really caused you not to be transparent. Listen to me closely and carefully your relationship is on shaky ground. You should never be afraid to want to have open communication between you and the person you have problems with. If you can't be open and transparent then the problem really lies with in you. If you can take it to the table as some have discussed above then you are willing to see where the problem is. And there is a problem here.

    SOMEBODY NEEDS TO SUBMISSIVE...
    Even though it seems quite obvious that there are some areas where the boundaries of respect have been damaged, where the boundaries of responsibility have been damaged and where the boundaries of authority have been damaged...it also appears that the boundaries of submission have been damaged.

    ORDER IS THE FIRST RULE OF ORGANIZATION...
    For any relationship to work you must first know who is in the position of authority (who is the leader, the director, the one in charge or "The Boss"). Now all parties must accept this and be in total submission to this order because nothing in life operates without order. Order is the root of organization and you don't have an organization if order is missing. The absence of order is chaos and that's what you all have at the company right now.

    IT'S YOUR JOB TO RESTORE ORDER...
    Since you have broken order to go outside of the group you have broken trust. So in order for there to be true restoration in your organization you must go back and restore the order.

    You must admit that you were not clear on how much control you actually had and you can see how you may have taken more authority than you needed to. Upon apologizing resubmit yourself back to the person who is in charge (your boss). Ask them to make it clear to the point that it is obvious for you to see what your real job responsibilities are. Now if they want to jack-up the website or allow others to put in pictures sideways you just want to be clear about if they want you to fix it. If the websites disorganization is too much for you to handle (mentally or emotionally) then you have some future decisions to make. As the songwriter said...

    "Should I stay or should I go?"

    Well the ball is in your corner now. Please read what I have written two or three times to clearly absorb where you need to go from here. Evanvela you are a great woman born for great things in spite of your last 10 years of suffering. Know that you were born to succeed, to dream, to live, to influence and to impact the world in ways that we all can appreciate. Make us all proud. Go back and restore the real order to your organization and you will be a tremendous resource to people who it is obvious needs your help. You can only have one chief everyone else has to be a soldier. Is there anything else I can do for you?

    Your Servant, Deremiah, *CPE (Customer Passion Evangelist)

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