Question

Topic: Branding

What Message Does This Boilerplate Transport?

Posted by miriam on 11/13/2013 at 8:23 PM ET 125 Points
We are working on a new boilerplate and would like to ask the forum to serve as our small focus group. Our key questions to the focus group are: What does this company do? What is their competitive advantage? Why would you start doing business with this company?


Established in 1932, xxx is a third generation family-run business. Our approach to insurance, wealth management, retirement plans and employee benefits goes beyond the traditional role of delivering a single source solution for creating sustainable and comprehensive integrated plans. Committed to our clients’ best interests, we create cost effective solutions, diligently monitor the plans and respond proactively and quickly to the potential impact of product and legislative changes. Our goal is your peace of mind. Our approach: building value while managing risk. This requires an advisor with a sharp focus on client satisfaction: this is what we at xxx do best.

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RESPONSES

  • Posted by Jay Hamilton-Roth on 11/13/2013 at 8:43 PM Accepted
    The text is written from the perspective of you and your company. A reader will read it and think "What does this have to do with me?" Do the words "sustainable" "integrated" "peace of mind" resonate in the minds of your target audience? Can you split test options to find out what works best for them?
  • Posted by Gary Bloomer on 11/13/2013 at 10:24 PM Accepted
    What you have here is a blah, blah, blah or yada, yada, yada statement that, sadly for me—as an ideal prospect—is MEANINGLESS.

    What does the company DO? Something to do with insurance ... or something (and bear in mind here that I only read your statement once, that it's late, and that I've had this discussion six million times).

    Strike one.

    What is their competitive advantage? Er ... if their goal is to bore people to death, SUCCESS! They win the gold medal! Really, in terms of the statement there is NO clear competitive driver that sets THIS company apart from any other similar company.

    Strike two.

    Why would I start doing business with this company? I would not. They haven't spoken TO ME, about what's important TO ME, in terms that are clearly aligned with MY SELF INTERESTS.

    Strike three.

    And you're OUT!

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