Know-How Exchange : Career/Training

Well, if you don't have the nerve to confront either one, you don't have any option but to quit.

Assuming that quitting is not a viable option for you, you better figure out a way to make your concerns known.

Maybe you don't need to "confront" anyone. If you're not in a confrontational mindset, then maybe you don't need "nerve" any more.

Why not just address some of these things in real-time or perhaps over lunch?

She might be well within her right to advise you on how you answer the phone or handle clients. We can't just take it as gospel that you're doing things the best or right way. Any chance that she has a point?

Having said that, you feel the way you do, so you probably need to figure out a way to talk to her about it without coming across as confrontational. When she says something that makes your blood boil, just calmly address it...

"I appreciate your concern and input here, but I actually think the way I'm doing it is just fine." or...

"I understand that your intentions are good, but sometimes the way you deliver your message to me gives it a very condescending feeling."

There's a pretty big generational gap between a 60-year-old and a 22-year-old, so give that some thought when you weigh everything.

Well while W.M.M.A is correct this isn't Oprah...this is a forum and you do need a strategy...lol

Critical people can make your work life very difficult. What you need to do is breathe and let it roll of your back. ( I know its sounds very kindergarten but its true) Try to find a middle ground between her points, while she may present them poorly, there may be a bit of validity in them. Most importantly DON'T take it personally.

Worst case scenario at this point, is she keeps knit picking and you work harder and become a more efficient employee. In the end that isn't the worst thing in the world. Especially if your boss suggested she that she watch over you. Who knows maybe her harsh expectations can be the reason you get promoted in the future.

I always try to take harsh criticism as a challenge to do better, because eventually I will. It is a good feeling to know you are doing a better job than someone who used to maintain they were doing a better job then you.

Just my 2 cents hope it helps!

Nikki:

To be a successful manager you must have the ability to effectively manage people. It concerns me to hear you say that you don't have the nerve to talk to her or your boss (Red Flag)... She will not be the only difficult person you ever encounter, trust me on this.

Here's the deal- Do Your Job & Do It Well... Focus your energy on the big picture and be meticulous with the tasks at hand. You should never leave work shaking.

When she steps into your space then simply ask her to move. You are a big girl now, in the big league, so put on your big girl britches and suck it up! Communicate with her and your boss as you are all on the same team!

This advice is meant lovingly...

:) Jill

Randall is right, its not a marketin question. But the person is in sales-- its a bit of a reach but I just started my Happy Hour vino so I'm in a good mood....

Just because you stand for yourself, doesn't mean you have to do it in a scary confrontational way.

It can be little things like the next time she calls you a baby saying "let's keep this professional please". The undertone of that is beyond the words-- cause those carefully chosen yet simple words are exactly the words you'd use if you filed a formal complaint. She'll get that.

As another said, either you have to put up with it or deal with it-- and that could mean resigning. Look at it this way-- worst case scenario- you file a formal complaint and the boss fires you. You'll be sitting on your duppa for the next year living off your wrongful termination settlement.

Calling names is abusive and not acceptable in the work place. Tell her that in a assertive but not aggressive way. If it continues, then file a formal complaint with the boss. Keep a log-- my best advice is in this log do not be emotional. Just the facts ma'am. BTW, if this stress has sent you to a doc, that is an important fact to document if this goes totally down the drain.

I just had a similar situation with someone for a company I'm not even an employee of. But its someone I have to work with on a regular basis. I went straight to the EVP and told them I wanted to file a formal complaint. I forwarded all abusive emails this fool put in writing. It was resolved amazingly simply-- the employee apologized and has never used that tone (much less words) to me again. More than that, we work very well together.

I understand and have empathy for you that this is a big deal. But if you keep your cool, be professional and set out to resolve it-- you will. Trust me on this.

Good Luck

Is she giving you instructions or tips to help you get better. Look past the delivery and think about the message.

As an office mgr you are going to need to manage through confrontation, this is as good a start as any. You need to find a way to get your reporting clarification without upsetting the apple cart. Avoiding it altogether is not an option if you want to survive. The biz world is highly political and we are defined by our judgemnent and decisions... consider this your first training course.

Best of luck!

If you want to stay you should talk to your mother. This lady is likely the same age as your grandmother.

Why? You should be respectful when you resign. The hardest lesson to learn is not to burn bridges.

Don't hang around for months worrying about it.

Michael

I'm not surprised at the "tough love" that you're getting. So many of the 20 somethings I've worked with lately are convinced they are successful yet are so thin skinned that they go running to HR every time their ego gets a little bruised.

Now, it's possible that you aren't one of the touchy ones. And, there are certainly workplace bullies. It's possible that this individual in her sixties has a career that is winding down and wasn't quite as successful as she had always thought she would be. She may see this as her one last chance to be have the career she wanted.

I'd suggest giving her credit where credit is due. You boss obviously respects her abilities. Soak up her advice while you can and she will probably back off quite a bit as she sees you doing things in a way that supports the sales efforts.

You also need to develop a better relationship with your boss. Tip - anything that remotely sounds like whining will not help.

If things don't improve, just remember that you are not an indentured servant.

All the best!

Melissa