Question

Topic: Website Critique

Feed Back On Direct Mail Initative Landing Page

Posted by Anonymous on 9/9/2008 at 12:45 PM ET 350 Points
Hello All,

At the beginning of the summer I asked for some help around copy writing for a direct mail postcard series my company was getting ready to send. Well we ended up just developing one postcard and the effort tanked! We receive a .2% response rate based on our web traffic to the postcard's landing page. If you would like to see the previous post click on the link below.

https://www.marketingprofs.com/ea/qst_question.asp?qstID=24364#158468

So after doing some more research on landing pages at various websites (MarketingShepra, and MarketingProfs) I have come up with a generic design that I think might work better then our last version. My goal is to get the visitor to invite their clients to our consumer seminars and use our Long Term Care Specialists to get their clients to purchase long term care insurance.

The link below will allow you to view the design of the landing page. I would appreciate any recommendations as to better ways to design this page.

https://sites.google.com/site/badirectmail/

Thanks,

pcdaugs
To continue reading this question and the solution, sign up ... it's free!
SUBSCRIBE
Or, SIGN IN

RESPONSES

  • Posted on 9/10/2008 at 10:31 AM Accepted
    Revised page is so MUCH BETTER. Hands clapping.

    You need more copy tweaking. Do you really need the sentence "This White Paper Will Explore"?? I think it is unnecessary. CAN YOU CHANGE THE TITLE OF THE WHITE PAPER? MAKE IT JUICIER - it sounds BORING NOW.

    Other suggestions:
    CHANGE:
    "How to successfully develop this type of relationship"
    TO: "Develop successful relationships"
    also
    "Learn what Outsourcing is"
    "Manager for ROI"

    Give it "punch".
    SHORT & SWEET IS BETTER.

    ~ Just my 2 cents ~~~ Nancy Mehegan

  • Posted on 9/10/2008 at 10:33 AM Member
    correction: "Manage for ROI"
  • Posted on 9/10/2008 at 11:24 AM Author
    Hello Nancy,

    I greatly appreciate the comments. I have made the changes you suggested and I am going to work on the white paper's title. Although if you had any suggestions in mind they would be greatly appreciated. I posted the revised version again if you would like to take a look at it.

    https://sites.google.com/site/badirectmail/

    I have a couple more questions though with regard to the yellow box that asks the responder to fill out their information. Do you think that there should be just a button that says, "Start making Cash Now" that brings you to the text that already there on another page?

    Secondly, I personally like bullets on landing pages because it is easier to read and takes less time to think about. Would it be a benefit to change the text in the yellow box to bullets?

    Again thanks for all the help!

    pcdaugs
  • Posted on 9/16/2008 at 6:50 PM Accepted
    Your call to action is too low. I would put the download now in the top right hand corner... Push towards conversion, let everything else try and get out of the way.

    You also could use a credibility builder.... What is it that makes your report credible.

    Work on the Title...

    10 Reason you need to partner with a financial adviser for your insurance business...

    or something
BACK TO TOP

Post a Comment

Related Discussions

Community Info

Top 25 Experts
(Website Critique)