Question

Topic: Advertising/PR

Need Opinions On 2 Pr's

Posted by Anonymous on 3/19/2009 at 12:38 PM ET 500 Points
Hi - I have written one PR and my client's "friend" wrote another. Please give opinions of which is better, worse or whatever. Thanks!

#1 Can Empowering Women Save Our Economy?

The entire world turned their attention on women’s empowerment when Muhammad Yunus won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2006. This banker/economist started a trend called microfinancing. He gave poverty stricken people—the majority women—tiny loans to start businesses. Many of the loans were for as little as $25. The loans bought chickens and feed or material to make saris to sell. Just enough for a determined woman to take the first step to realizing her dreams of education, enough food for her children, and a better life for her whole family.

What happened then was astounding. Coming back to the villages where these enterprising women lived, it was found that these women had not only started their small businesses, but the majority had expanded them, often hiring other women in the area to work for them. Sometimes co-ops were formed where women sold the vegetables they had grown or the milk from their goats. The entire village benefited when these women would work together and buy a generator, build a latrine or a school house.

What if someone could show American women who are becoming unemployed by the millions how to start their own small businesses for very little start-up cash? Sharon Capehart of www. PositivelyWomen.com has been empowering women for years through her seminars and BlogTalk Radio program. Now, realizing that women need help and need it now, she has planned a teleseminar series starting April 30, 2009 titled: Stop Whining and Start Winning: How to Start Your Business for Less than $200. There will be two free preview calls on April 16th and April 23rd.

Capehart is well qualified to teach this subject, she has successfully started seven different businesses on a frayed shoestring budget, eventually selling them for more than a million dollars.

Microloans have empowered over a million women in the world. What would happen to our economy if more American women were empowered to start their own small businesses?
___________________________

#2 Can You Start A Business With Less Than $200?

Dallas, TX – The World Economy is in a very scary place right now. Big businesses are going broke all around us and anyone who hasn’t lost their job is wondering when it will happen to them. The only way to be prepared for this is to know that you can always earn money on your own – sometimes a lot of money. Author and Women’s Business Advocate Sharon Capehart, PhD, is known for her scrappy sense of style and has relied on those instincts more than once to start successful businesses on a shoe-string to keep herself from falling over the financial brink – And now she wants to share those secrets with others.
.
Seeing how micro-loans have empowered over a million women in the world. Capehart has been wondering: “What would happen to our economy if more American women were empowered to start their own small businesses? What if someone could show American women who are becoming unemployed by the millions how to start their own small businesses for very little start-up cash?” Through her web site www. PositivelyWomen.com, her seminars and BlogTalk Radio program Capehart has been empowering women for years. Now, realizing that women need help and need it now, she has planned a 5-part teleseminar series starting April 30, 2009 titled: Stop Whining and Start Winning: Start A Business with Less than $200. There will be two free preview calls on April 16th and April 23rd.

Capehart is well qualified to teach this subject, she has successfully started seven different businesses on a frayed shoestring budget, eventually selling them for more than a million dollars. She promises to break down the steps and skills necessary for anyone with a “back bone” to get going and survive in the current down-turn. Participants in the class will receive Capehart’s full support including: laser coaching sessions, a discount on purchasing her book “A Women’s Way to Wealth” and several short reports and audios that are being included with registration. This is the most complete way for anyone to start their own business on less than $200. Visit https://www.positivelywomen.com/swsw.html for more information and to register.
To continue reading this question and the solution, sign up ... it's free!
SUBSCRIBE
Or, SIGN IN

RESPONSES

  • Posted by Frank Hurtte on 3/19/2009 at 12:48 PM Accepted
    The answer is it depends on the publicataion. I dont believe there is a one size fits all for getting publicity.

    However, the human interest draw of number 1 is more likely to get a busy editor or a casual reader to spend the time actually reading the announcement.
  • Posted on 3/19/2009 at 1:09 PM Member
    Agree with Frank - you may need to tailor to your outlet, but between the two, press release #1 is better written, more coherent, with more "feel-good" examples that draw in the reader and entice to read more.

    Tighten your writing a bit more in PR #1 to clear up confusion and increase active voice.
  • Posted on 3/19/2009 at 1:11 PM Member
    Be careful about how you present the results of this "survey" to your client: an "I told you so" scolding will not win you points.
  • Posted on 3/19/2009 at 1:13 PM Member
    Dear klafrance -
    Frank Hurtte is right - it does depend greatly upon the entity that is publishing your PR release and the audience that it is reaching.

    It is obvious to me that the release is actually a "soft sell" for Sharon Capehart's seminars. I would opt for PR release #2 because it conveys a more direct message.

    Muhammad Yunus' story, albeit quite compelling, is difficult to "relate" to a “western" woman's lifestyle (I am assuming this is the intended target audience). Perhaps you can "weave" a bit of this story in a shortened fashion into #2's PR release just for the human-interest value it represents.
  • Posted on 3/19/2009 at 2:27 PM Author
    Thank you all. ANC I really appreciate your sharing a 3rd option. : ) All the answers were great!
  • Posted by Markitek on 3/20/2009 at 12:34 PM Member
    Frankly, neither would pass through me as a press release. The news element, the seminar, is buried way down the page which means that it is unlikely to survive the necessarily short attention span of an editor. First you have to wade through hyperbole ("women who are becoming unemployed by the millions"), lecture and promotion. And, considering that yours is just one in a ton of releases that pass editors desk each day, they just won't read that far down.

    Try this.

    Create an Imperative instead of Interragatory headline "New Seminar Empowers . . . ."

    And then lead with the news event

    "Sharon Capehart announces the launch of a new seminar series, focused on empowering women to . . ."

    Remember the press still lives by the W's . . . Who What Where When and Why (and the good old How) so that's what you want the release to concentrate on.

    Press releases don't have to be snappy, or clever, or exciting.

    They have to be newsworthy.

BACK TO TOP

Post a Comment

Related Discussions

Community Info

Top 25 Experts
(Advertising/PR)