Question
Topic: Advertising/PR
Writing "story Label" For Back Of Product Package
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I am writing a label for the back of our jars and other packages. What I have now is this:
You may think you are just buying delicious food made with local Wisconsin ingredients. You are actually giving a disabled homeless person the opportunity to feel a sense of pride in their work and themselves for the first time. You are providing them with a solution to homelessness through work experience and job training. The fact that it tastes so good is your reward for all of the good you've done.
One comment was it isn't active enough or memorable enough. Can anyone give me some concrete ideas of how to make it grab someone?
Thank you.