Question

Topic: E-Marketing

Short And Persuasive Message

Posted by Anonymous on 11/17/2009 at 4:56 PM ET 50 Points
My target audience are college students. Delivery medium is their listserv (owner, school authority understands and appreciates my ware to some degree hence approves it). Now, I'd like to have your thoughts on my message, which I hope to be Relevant and Persuasive. Timing: hopefully tomorrow (Wed) or Thursday before students going home for Thanksgiving.

Message:
(version a)
"
Knowledge NoteBook is a revolutionary way to take
notes, improve your study habits and grades. This
desktop and web-based tool stores and organized
all your notes in one convenient location for retrieval
with the click of a button. Knowledge NoteBook allows
you to categorize and tag your notes by date and
subject (class), for easy retrieval. And ultimately it ties
proven study strategy with effective learning process, it is
not a passive word processor! We encourage you
to invest half an hour or an hour to try it out. https://www.knowledgenotebook.com/
"

version b
"Knowledge NoteBook is a revolutionary way to take
notes, improve your study habits and grades. With it
all your notes are organized and in one place...
with a sinlge click of a button it brings up all the
notes for a class... study becomes much easier and effective.
Why not spend half an hour or an hour to try it out?
https://www.knowledgenotebook.com/
"

version c
Your thoughts?

Thank you.

Don
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RESPONSES

  • Posted by Jay Hamilton-Roth on 11/17/2009 at 5:39 PM Accepted
    Instead of starting with your product, start with the benefit to them.
    For example: "Too much to study? We can cut your study time by 15%. Take a 5-minute test drive to see how Knowledge NoteBook can help."

    (Aside: a half-hour test phase is too much time to ask someone to invest in your software. If they can't see the benefit in 5-minutes, they'll move on (unless they're trying to solve a complex problem). Make a compelling tutorial that shows how to use your software in 5-minutes. If you need help, contact me off-forum.)
  • Posted on 11/17/2009 at 6:03 PM Author
    Making a lot of sense, I like it, Jay, thank you.

    Don
  • Posted on 11/17/2009 at 6:07 PM Author
    oh, btw, what do you think of this tutorial?
    https://www.screencast.com/t/ODJhZmE0OTI
    (password: knowledgenotebook)

    P.S. the newest release, v2.6, has improved the "feel and look" quite a bit, much better than what's in the tutorial...
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