Question

Topic: Website Critique

Well Here We Go Again Lol. Please Take A Look At My New Site And Please Give Feedback.

Posted by Anonymous on 2/1/2013 at 9:04 AM ET 25 Points
I have worked hard. took on 'some' of ms 'M' advice but not all. As the website she asked me to look at is something i feel I should do at a latter stage as it was to advance for me. please give me your thoughts on this one. thanks.

https://www.jewels-parfumes.com/
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  • Posted by Jay Hamilton-Roth on 2/1/2013 at 10:19 AM Member
    The first thing a visitor to your site is going to want to know is "how are you different from other similar websites?" Is it guaranteed lowest price? Is it guaranteed deliver tomorrow anywhere in England? Is it customized service by a professional makeup artist? Without a key differentiator, your site won't be memorable.
  • Posted by Moriarty on 2/1/2013 at 1:21 PM Accepted
    Tell me, what would you say to Rodney Grey, the guy who likes Red Girls? What would you do in the early evening before meeting him? Tell them this story and you will have a load more sales.

    Because I wouldn't buy it because it has a sleeve pack - that makes it sound like computer equipment.

    Another creative tack. You dreamed of something last night. Tell that dream as a lead-in story to one of your products. Because people buy dreams, especially girls who are always dreaming of Mr. Porsche-Driver or Mr. White-Knight. Give them a nudge and not a little encouragement with your perfumes.

    Take a basic story guy meets gal. Anything from West Side Story to Romeo and Juliet - whisk out a scene. Put it into a new setting - Harlem, Verona, you name it. Add new names (pins and telephone directories are good for this). When the girl is about to meet the boy, there's the opportunity to insert the bit about the makeup and then you have the details and you carry on with your tale.

    Have you tried telling a story on any pages? You need around 500 words. Now, don't be dispirited. It takes practice, and it isn't easy. Taking old stories and making them new is the oldest trick in human history - Homer did it, Shakespeare did it and so did Leonard Bernstein. They were, are hits nevertheless.

    What do you think? M xxxx
  • Posted on 2/1/2013 at 2:05 PM Author
    lol ms 'M' I appreciate your advice.. but I think you may be making me run a marathon before learning to sprint! As it were. you said with the right prod I may? pull a rabbit out the hat! how is about a small bird for now. lol I was just hoping someone would say it looked ok.. as someone said before my website looked like a hacker had done it. Also looked gloomy and dreary. But thank you for your in put. x
  • Posted on 2/1/2013 at 2:08 PM Author
    Actually ms 'M' that is! food for thought. I am going to sit back and imagine what i would say and do to mr grey meeting him for the first time lol
  • Posted by Moriarty on 2/1/2013 at 2:40 PM Member
    There is a real problem - you can't run marathons and run the sprint! So take it easy - and practice makes perfect. The most important thing you can do is ...

    HAVE SOME FUN!!

    Your imagination is fun, so are stories. Just have a romp and a riot. Dump 9/10 of it, and publish the rest. That's what I did. Looking back, some of it isn't that bad ... other bits are ... atrocious. Who cares? nobody sees that.

    I'm sorry you were disappointed, only, well, writing isn't that easy. At least you got the rough end before thinking you were brilliant - yet not being. The point is to become what you think of as brilliance, catch that wave and surf down it with your writing and enjoy the thrill. It really isn't easy. Only, imagine the story as pictures, describe them don't just write. Watch a movie - as I did when I often do when I come up with an idea for a story. Watch the images, write down what you see.

    M xx
  • Posted on 2/1/2013 at 4:21 PM Author
    ms 'M' are you up for hiring? I haver never even read the book! 50 shades of grey lol. dont have that imagination any more... so would like to hire you if yor up for grabs? x
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