Question

Topic: Copywriting

What Do You Think Now?

Posted by Anonymous on 1/27/2009 at 1:50 PM ET 250 Points
Hello again, I previously posted a request for everyone to look at napman.co.uk and give your opinions that were very helpful. Now my site has not physically change but will do in appearance and format..ie, I am now going to charge a monthly subscription for my tips. Now I've been studying copy-writing and advertising methods and have come up with the following copy for my new site/same name and would like not only your opinions but to cut/copy and re-paste back to me your version.

This by no means the final version, its work in progress.

Kind regards,

Mark.


Welcome to:

Napman.co.uk
The home of winners!!

SO YOU WANT IT STRAIGHT FROM THE HORSES MOUTH?



Here, let me help you. I don't normally write ads, I'm a professional gambler but what I have for you today is so critical that I had to write this myself. I've perfected a formula that, along with Napman's daily nap, will keep you in profit every month and I mean every month. Its that simple and it works. How do I Know? Because I back my own naps every day and I cash in every month. Unlike other tipping sites I put my money where my mouth is and today the formula is ready and available to you.



PROFESSIONAL GAMBLING!


Have you considered a way to professionally bet as a second income? Well you should because you've found it here. When like me, you only bet one horse aday - Napmans nap of the day - at level stakes, your account will be in profit each month, every month. That is so long as you stick to the level stake of your choosing and you don't touch your pot/bank for 30 day's. At the end of each month you pay yourself the profit, leaving just your level stakes to again repeat the process over the next 30 days. Its so regular it can almost be classed as a second salary and only you know what you could do with that kind of extra cash.

The above formula is free but to duplicate my success you will need my one selected Nap of the Day, for a whole month which at £20 per month works out to be a very reasonable 66p per day. Given that all your naps will be @ 2/1 or above, and with a level stake of £10 it'll only take one winner to re-coup your monthly subscription and the rest of the month is your profit.

To make life even easier, you can now pay using your mobile phone and become a member within minutes. This includes Pay-as-you-go as long as you have enough credit. No personal details, No credit cards, No hassle!




SUBSRIBE HERE


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RESPONSES

  • Posted by Jay Hamilton-Roth on 1/30/2009 at 8:32 AM Accepted
    I'm not sold. You're asking me to pay to subscribe to your tips, but you offer no guarantees, testimonials, 3rd party proof, etc. that your tips are worth the subscription fee. If you're so confident, make the first month free (when you sign up), and an easy/safe way to unsubscribe.
  • Posted on 1/31/2009 at 1:46 PM Accepted
    Jay's right. You need to get your prospects hooked by removing the risk and letting them experience the success you're promising. You KNOW they'll be skeptical after reading your copy, so you should address that skepticism directly. ("If you're so confident, why share it? Just wager your own money and get rich that way.")

    I created a course on how to profit in the commodities futures markets and offered a full refund if it didn't work (i.e., earn a profit month-in and month-out). I also provided my own trading records as proof that I'd tried it myself. And I explained why I stopped trading and created the course. Even with all of that there were still skeptics who thought there must be something fishy. It sounded too good to be true.

    You have some of the same problem. No smart answers. Just a voice of experience.

    P.S. Professional copywriters can probably do a better job. If you want to really make this a sustainable business you probably ought to pay a pro to write your copy ... and another one to develop a marketing plan that will reach your primary target audience effectively and efficiently.
  • Posted on 2/13/2009 at 8:41 PM Member
    Greetings!

    I concur with the other poster's excellent suggestions.

    In addition, one glaring omission is a strong benefit statement right up front. Your "Horse's Mouth" line promises nothing... doesn't say what you're offering... makes no claim... offers no benefit... is non-specific... and doesn't do much to stimulate further reading.

    Ask yourself, "What is the primary benefit I'm selling?" then formulate a headline that shouts that benefit.

    Keep in mind that your headline can often make or break the rest of your sales copy. Its job is to get people to read line #1. And since most people read only headlines and no more, if your head doesn't grab 'em, you've lost them forever with one click of their mouse. Yikes! :-o

    Success to you my friend!

    Drew Eric Whitman
    Direct Response Surgeon(tm)
    Author of: "CA$HVERTISING--How to Use More Than 100 Secrets of Ad-Agency Psychology to Make Big Money Selling Anything to Anyone"
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