Know-How Exchange : Copywriting

First, we would need more information in order to do anything useful. Second, this is probably a project more suited to a paid project. Consider getting some expert consultation by posting your project at "Hire an Expert" by clicking on "Post a Project" in the column at the right.

Ricky - you haven't provided much we can "sink our teeth into". What type of salon? What type of people will be getting the message? Are these people expecting your message (i.e., have they opted-in)?

As a minimum, why not name the offer "20% OFF MONDAYS"? You're offering discounts, not necessarily happiness.

More Qs: what makes you different? What is your core value proposition - why should a customer buy from you, rather than from a competitor?

Dear Ricky,

Discounting your way to higher profits is a recipe for disaster, as is your goal of wanting to attract more and more discount seeking customers.

By attracting more customers, whom I’m presuming will also be new customers, your cost per acquisition and cost per retention per customer increases; think about it: you have to sell to these people from scratch, which means your marketing money gets spread pretty thin and you have to repeat your message again
and again in order for it to sink in and have an effect.

An increase in the number of discount seeking customers you pull through the door does NOT equate to an increase in turnover and higher profit.

10 new customers spending $20 each sounds great at a $200
total spend.

But 6 existing customers each spending $50 brings in $300.

If my mathematics are right, that’s an increase in spending from fewer customers of 50 percent more in total.

What might serve you better is convincing your current customers to visit you more often (so their spending with you increases), and getting your current higher paying customers to spend more on other higher priced offers and services.

Set up exclusive offers for current, higher paying customers
with high end restaurants, jewelers, race courses, and travel companies so that your higher paying clients can show off their perfect bodies. You could even consider closing on Mondays, or
on having Monday hours “by special appointment only” thereby making your service even more exclusive for mid week events, and you could offer higher paying customers special incentives to visit you on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays before they go off to chic events in their weekends and posh evenings.

Your existing customers are already sold on your services, making your marketing spending per higher-paying customer work harder and go much farther. These people are already invested in your service and its benefits, so what you need to do is offer them something else that ties in with your service that allows them to feel even better about themselves (and about you), thereby increasing their loyalty and thereby increasing the amount they’re likely to spend with you.

By offering people discounts on Mondays you’re attracting customers who want to pay less, but you’ll need to bring more
of these people through your doors in order to make the kind of profit you’d make from fewer higher paying customers.

By offering deep discounts on Mondays you cut into your profit, you’re cheapening your service in the eyes of your more exclusive clients, and you lower your position as an exclusive venue in their eyes as a result, making them less inclined to visit you and spend money with you.

If this happens your reputation for cheap services will grow but you’ll have to work five times as hard to make the same money you could be making from clients willing to pay more for exclusive services.

I hope this helps.

Gary Bloomer
Wilmington, DE, USA

If you are looking to craft at 140-char SMS message to go out to existing clientele to boost a slow traffic day (I think that's the goal here, right?) I think you need to follow Jay's suggestion and add a service that makes sense on Mondays.
What would help people prepare for their week? Maybe it's Massage Mondays and it's a special invigorating type of massage (save the relaxing ones for Friday when the week's over!) Or Mango Mondays and you package a set of services (wraps, shampoos, lotions, massages with oils, whatever) that are all themed around Mango. Then advertise the invigorating, rejuvenating quality of Mango (or whatever other citrus-y scent you choose). Not necessarily a discount offer (I tend to agree with Gary on this)... but a "package price" which could look a little less expensive than the items bought a la carte, but which doesn't really discount your services. You're trying to encourage existing users to spend more money, right? New potential customers won't be reached by an SMS message you send out to your opt-in list. BUT... you can have an in-store promotion (Mango colored cards?) where anyone who comes in on a Monday and then refers a new client (who brings the Mango card back in) gets a free (whatever... pedicure, manicure, massage). Let your existing clients help choose your new ones rather than mass marketing. If you're at a higher price point and have some celebrity clientele, that market tends to be tight-knit and run on referrals rather than from advertising. Let your clients advertise... more likely they'll reach more of your target market than you can via SMS message or instore posters.

Best,
--
Mandy

you have described many goals:

1.) get in contact with previous customers

2.) Be busier on Mondays

3.) Use the name, “Happy Mondays”, which for some reason you guys seem to like

4.) Use SMS messaging

I would personally never use SMS marketing to reach these goals. I would personally never use the name, "happy Mondays". If I were trying to reinvigorate former clients, I would not invite them back on Mondays, since these are apparently everyone's least favorite days.

If this were my projects, I would offer coupons or complementary services on Monday, or possibly for a discount on complementary services on Monday. I would have a second marketing effort directed at former customers, trying to get them back in the door or whatever day is most convenient for them.