Question

Topic: Copywriting

Need A Great Headline!

Posted by connors on 9/10/2009 at 6:13 AM ET 250 Points
I'm working for an assisted living community that recently received a prestigious award for our secured dementia unit (the first in the state). We are also about to launch new state-of-the-art technology for residents (who elect this) that may help us detect such things as if they have taken a fall, may have a health issue that needs to be addressed and/or are about to wander out of the building (for wander risks) etc...this type of technology, with so many personalized options, is new to our region (but a growing trend in the industry).

I'm using the old High Touch - High Tech kind of headline to announce these two topics as part of our point of difference and would like catchy, meaningful words to follow. "High Touch combined with High Tech"...(followed by copy such as: Personalized Care to Maximize your Quality of Life) but that's what you'd see in almost any assisted living brochure! "Personalized ----to maximize...." etc. What I want to say is that we have the best of both worlds, tools that will help you or your loved one to live as healthy as possible with quality of life.
I'd appreciate your suggestions. Thanks!
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RESPONSES

  • Posted by Gary Bloomer on 9/10/2009 at 8:51 AM Accepted
    Dear Konners,

    You've already come up with your headline, but you probably don't realize it.

    Make the headline about the need, about the dream or aspiration. Connect some element of it to the problem or, in this case, the "what if?" scenario, and you get something along the following lines:

    "How to help yourself or your loved one live as healthy a life as possible and STILL keep your quality of life."

    I hope this helps.

    Gary Bloomer
    Wilmington, DE, USA

  • Posted by Jay Hamilton-Roth on 9/10/2009 at 9:00 AM Member
    What If Technology Can Keep You Safer?
    Extra Eyes To Protect Your Loved One
    The Latest Way To Keep Residents Safer
  • Posted by michael on 9/10/2009 at 9:09 AM Member
    Kathy
    You are correct. Everyone can SAY the same thing and the reader has no idea who is telling the truth.

    You have to grab them..wherever they are in the buying cycle and get them to read further.

    "Dementia care is all about the eyes"

    Then talk about your surveillance program.

    Michael
  • Posted by connors on 9/11/2009 at 11:41 AM Author
    Thank you everyone! Michael and Jay: "Extra eyes" to watch over your loved one is a great thought, but I've learned that the technology is "scary" to people; they don't want to feel like Big Brother is watching over them. So I don't want to add to that perception; it's a fine line.

    And Klylie, the only thing is: we're supposed to be providing that TLC, too.

    These are all great ideas though. I appreciate all of your comments responses!!
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