Question

Topic: Copywriting

Need Help With Copy For Website

Posted by Anonymous on 11/5/2009 at 10:10 AM ET 250 Points
Can anyone critic my copy. The copy is to go on the front page of our new website. The point of the copy is to entice people to offer their opioions for rewards such as vouchers for Tesco etc.

COPY:

About

Valued Opinions is a service which rewards you for taking part in market research surveys. It is your opportunity to influence the development of new products and services.

We are interested in your opinion. Join and shape the future!

With quality and trust at the forefront of our business, we seek to create a problem-solving think tank which can provide qualified and effectual feedback for the business community.

Where do you fit in?

As a member of the Valued Opinions panel, you will become one of a select group of influencers. Through the panel, you have a platform to share your views on business issues you experience and products you use. Needless to say, the information you provide will always be kept confidential.

Commitment to quality and trust.

Valued Opinions is a trustworthy provider of market research focused on delivering quality data. We are a member of ESOMAR (The World Association of Market Research Professionals) and a company partner of the MRS (Market Research Society).

Through the panel, you have a platform to share your views on business issues you experience and products you use. Needless to say, the information you provide will always be kept confidential.

Thank you for your help
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RESPONSES

  • Posted by Peter (henna gaijin) on 11/5/2009 at 10:27 AM Accepted
    You mentioned being rewarded for doing he surveys, but don't say what the reward is. I suspect people would want to know.

    I think people may also be concerned about their level of commitment. How long are the surveys, how many do they have to do, etc.

    I like how you talk about confidentiality. May be good to put a bit more detail, such as whether individual information would be provided to your clients (an individual's particular responses), or just the data in summary format (so everyone's together, but not telling the client the individual responses). Some of these sites talk about surveys, but are actually getting information on individual consumers to provide to the companies - if you are not one of these, you should mention something to make sure people know you aren't.
  • Posted on 11/5/2009 at 10:37 AM Accepted
    As Phil said, you haven't answered the question, "What's in it for me?"

    You're also talking about yourself too much. What you want is to bring the reader in, and tell her why she would want to sign up for your program.

    More like this:

    Got an Opinion? Get a Reward!

    Valued Opinions wants to know what you think about the products you use everyday. Join us and get (paid/coupons/whatever the reward is) to tell us what you think about ________, _________, and ________.


    It's Simple

    You review/test/talk about products. Tell us what you think. Then get (paid/rewards/coupons).


    All information is kept confidential. We combine the answers we get and tell our clients the percentages [or however this works]. No specific information about you is passed along.
    ***

    Then add the bit about being part of a select group.

    Jodi

  • Posted by Jay Hamilton-Roth on 11/5/2009 at 10:42 AM Accepted
    Start the copy off more directly, for example instead of:

    "Valued Opinions is a service which rewards you for taking part..."

    try

    "We reward you for completing market research surveys. Not only do you help influence the development of new products but you also can..."
  • Posted by Gary Bloomer on 11/7/2009 at 9:17 PM Accepted
    Dear Jason,

    I'll skip the mathematics and tell you simply that your
    customer focus rate for this piece of copy means you talk about your customers about twice as much as you talk about yourself, which is a darn site better than a lot of Websites.

    So, well done.

    Where things need sharpening up is in the "So what?" department and in the WITFM? ("what's in it for me?") department.

    Your site visitor is thinking mainly one thing: Why do I care about your message? What will my involvement in your group get me? Where will it get me?

    Jodi's given you stellar advice which I urge you to follow. I also urge you to consider the following three point plan:

    1. Tell people what you're offering.
    Be up front. Be clear. Be concise. And don't waffle.

    2. Tell people what the thing you're offering will do for them.
    Again, be up front. Be clear. Be concise. And don't waffle.

    3. Tell people what you want them to do next.

    That's it. No BS. just short sentences and simple words. No "needless to say" (Phil's right. If it's needless to say why are you saying it?), just keep it simple.

    I hope this helps. Good luck to you. And let me know if I can be of more help.

    Gary Bloomer
    Wilmington, DE, USA
    Follow me on www.twitter.com @GaryBloomer
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