Question

Topic: Copywriting

Statement Of What’s In It For Them.

Posted by JerryC-PA on 2/10/2011 at 9:35 AM ET 100 Points
As I try to organize my thoughts in order to produce a video. I struggle with the part of the script that states what benefit I provide, the answer to the “what will it do for me” question that the audience is asking. I fix auto electrical problems that people have a hard time getting fixed elsewhere. I don’t let them leave until I prove, and I am satisfied it’s fixed. Not much I do is inexpensive, or fast, or easy. I really want to “maximize benefits within the limits of credibility” (I don’t know how to quote properly, but Herschell Gordon Lewis said that.) but it seems that every time I think about benefits my thoughts turn to MY technical capabilities. All the experiences that lead to my being able to fix the cars, and from what I read that’s not too important. But I would like to know if it has any pull? Is there any value to stating why (I think this is where I would talk about me) I can fix your car when up to this point no one else has? Are the technical details of what I do called “features” in marketing?
I also wonder if a video is better that the written ad. I believe that having a video or two on my site would also ad synergy. I think it would convey my sincerity and conviction to the audience, and ultimately get them to call me.
Lastly I’ve written a few landing pages and I have my adwords account pointing at them now. Could you guys have a look at them and see if any glaring problems stand out?
https://www.keystoneautoelectrical.com/batterydraining.html

https://www.keystoneautoelectrical.com/blowingfuse.html

https://www.keystoneautoelectrical.com/blowingfuse.html

I know I’ve changed my focus a few times during this post but I have way more questions than points.

I know I thank you a lot and this may be too much but I would like to tell you guys that in answering my questions and guiding me in learning this stuff you are helping my partner and I make a better living for our families.

Thanks,
Jerry
www.KeystoneAutoElectrical.com
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RESPONSES

  • Posted on 2/10/2011 at 10:39 AM Accepted
    Jerry - your main benefit should be in the headline, and if it is an incredible claim (which is where your quote comes from) you must back it up in the first paragraph.

    So if you can claim for example:

    'No car has EVER left our auto electric shop unfixed!'

    If some cars HAVE left unfixed, you could explain, for example, that they couldn't be fixed by ANY electrical shop. The fault lies elsewhere.

    That would cover your claim.

    I understand your dilemma though - this stuff is easy for us copywriters, but when you are very close to your work, the features get in the way of the benefits.

    Anyway, I hope that headline helps show the way,

    Good luck,

    Peter
  • Posted by Sharon Ernst on 2/10/2011 at 11:17 AM Accepted
    Hi, Jerry! Below is an exercise I go through with my copywriting clients. It might help you too, to sort this out. You have to figure out what your customers are really buying from you in order for them to listen to you. And that means you have to figure out how THEY view the problem and what THEY think is the solution. For example, if you're having trouble sleeping at night and I try to sell you a new mattress, you're going to say, "I don't need a new mattress. I need a better night's sleep." You see the problem as the sleep issue, not the mattress issue. However, if I tell you I can help you sleep better at night, you'll be all ears. And THEN I can tell you about how my mattress will help you sleep. I'm still selling you a mattress, but I'm using your point of view and starting there. Does that make sense?

    I also stay away from the whole feature/benefit thing. Instead, I encourage copywriting clients to think in terms of "so you can." Instead of a feature, it's "Our service does (fill in the blank)..." and instead of a benefit, it's "...so you can (fill in the blank)."

    In my experience, both of those exercises can be a real stretch for clients because it forces them to think about what they're selling in a totally different way. So if it's hard for you to wrap your head around them, that's okay. Give them a try anyway and see if they don't help. :-)

    Have a great day!!

    Sharon
  • Posted on 2/10/2011 at 12:12 PM Accepted
    Glaring problems department: The very first thing at the top of your landing pages is the irrelevant statement, "Specializing in Auto Electrical Troubleshooting and Repairs Since 1979." Is there something about 1979 that you want people to know? The statement is about YOU, not about their problem or about the benefit in the ad that got them to click in the first place.

    Peter and Sharon have given good advice. Your ads are all written from YOUR perspective, not from the perspective of your customers/prospects.

    I particularly like Peter's approach: "No car has EVER left our auto electric shop unfixed!" Then talk about how you end up with the problems that nobody else can fix, and you 'save the day' by finding and fixing the problem -- guaranteed. (And you've been doing this since 1979 ... that's a long time to have a perfect track record.)

    Prospects will read that and think: "I've been to 3 different shops and they couldn't fix my problem, just like he says. And he GUARANTEES that he'll fix my problem. Wow!"

    One other comment: On the left side of the page you have the statement, "We can help!" "Help" is a very weak word in copywriting. Either you will do it or you won't. Your customers want their problem solved, not "help" solving it. ("We will find and fix your problem. Guaranteed.")

    Oh, and your paragraph is too long. Break it into shorter paragraphs so it's easier to read. And maybe get rid of the boldface font.
  • Posted on 2/10/2011 at 12:36 PM Moderator
    Regarding video: It's possible a video would help people "get to know you," but in most cases I'm guessing they don't have many alternatives. If they want their electrical problem solved, you're pretty much the only game in town.

    I think you'd be better off with some very powerful copy online than with a video. Your service and your benefit promise don't require visual assistance to get people to understand them. And if you can deliver your message in a few words, why drag people through a minute of video that is basically a talking head?

    If you think an image will help punctuate the story, that's fine. But I think I'd be more annoyed by a video than entertained or educated by it. What is it you think a video might add?
  • Posted by JerryC-PA on 2/10/2011 at 2:59 PM Author
    Peter,

    “No car leaves our shop unfixed”

    That’s a very strong statement. I can say it but many factors have to align. For instance, the customer needs to leave the car with me, sometimes longer than they are willing. They have to trust me enough to agree that they have to pay for my time, even if THEY decide they can’t leave the car any longer. Sometimes the problems I find shock them. If I spend 600.00 worth of time and find the car needs a 2000.00 dollar computer, and that is just the first step on the road to solving their problem, they start acting weird.
    I can say “no car leaves our shop until we prove to our satisfaction that it’s fixed”

    It all seems so easy while you guys are holding my hand, but left on my own….

    Sharon,
    Thank you. I like your “our service does… so you can” thing.

    Thanks Phil I know I can count on your input.

    M.
    The very first thing at the top of your landing pages is the irrelevant statement, "Specializing in Auto Electrical Troubleshooting and Repairs Since 1979."
    I don’t know why you have to keep telling me these things over and over. I’ll keep trying. The input on the specific word “help” is good. I don’t want squishy words.
    As for the video, I thought it would be easier than writing ad copy, but I still have a little problem with perspective and words and all the other problems you guys see. Especially if you believe there is not much added value.

    How do you guys gain the target audience perspective for your clients? I think if any one of you were working with me as a client, and we talked for an hour, you would have lots of stuff to write. I just don’t know why it’s so tough for me to see what I think I know about my customers.
    One of these days I will get it. I won’t ever be a professional copywriter but I’ll write well enough for my purposes.

    Thanks,
    Jerry
  • Posted on 2/10/2011 at 8:24 PM Moderator
    A video will need words/copy too. And if you have the right words, then the only reason to have a video is if there is something that can't be expressed or explained well without the video. If all you're going to do is record a talking head mouthing the copy, then you probably don't need the video.

    So ask yourself if you really have a visual message, or if the video is basically going to be audio with a picture of someone reading the copy. If you have a visual message, then a video can definitely help. Otherwise, great copy will be more powerful as words on-screen than as a video. (Videos take more time to communicate the message if the video portion doesn't add something really important.)

    Example: If you're selling mouth-watering food at your restaurant, you might want to show the sizzling wok, or the steaming soup, or the creamy sauce, etc. That would help you communicate the sensory experience your customers should expect.

    But if you're selling, say, high-yield bonds, it's not likely that a video will help you tempt anyone to call you and make an appointment. It's just not a visual kind of sale.

    So where does your business fall on that continuum? I think you're closer to the high-yield bonds. After all, the result of your work looks like a car that works, right? Not a visually stimulating picture. It's like repairing your septic system. When you're finished all you can see is that it looks like it always looked.
  • Posted by Jay Hamilton-Roth on 2/10/2011 at 9:05 PM Accepted
    Forget for a moment that you fix cars. Imagine you're a doctor - a neurologist. The people that come to you won't come because they need a basic physical. They come to you because of your specialty, and because they have a problem that others have tried helping with, but couldn't. And they are worried about the problem, worried what it means for their life, and tired of fixing the symptom. So they come to you for a complete neurological workup, diagnosis, and treatment plan. You've taken their abstract worry and converted it to something that they can do something about.

    While a car isn't the same as someone's body, the issues are similar. People are tired having an erratic car problem that leaves them stranded or late for an appointment. They feel silly that they can't get it fixed, and worried that they'll have to sell their car and worry that their next car won't be any better. You sell comfort & relief about their car problems. You fix something obscure, make them not feel silly about it, and let them not worry about the problem ever again. Sure, it may be expensive, but you're healing more than the car.

    And regarding video - it takes a special personality to feel comfortable appearing on-camera and it takes a great editor to make you look even better/smarter than you are. Video is an order of magnitude harder than text/photo to do "right".
  • Posted on 2/11/2011 at 3:56 AM Accepted
    Isn't there a song about a writer having a conversation with a garage mechanic ?

    It's a country song, by Alan Jackson:

    The Talkin’ Song Repair Blues

    The mechanic has written something - but it will take as much fixing and redoing as the writer's car.

    There is a lesson there I suppose, Jerry. The time it would take to learn to write copy, you could make far more fixing cars.
  • Posted by JerryC-PA on 2/16/2011 at 8:37 PM Author
    Sorry for the delay in closing this post, my computer burnt up and I just got back online.
    Great responses from all, and I'm not missing the point of Alan Jackson's song Peter.
    Jerry
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