Question

Topic: Copywriting

Advice On A One-liner For A Showcase Ad Needed

Posted by lcariglino on 6/25/2019 at 3:46 AM ET 250 Points
I've finished an awareness film about Hot Car Deaths. At the end of the clip a text shows up giving a statistic saying "over 40 children die in hot cars every year". The text right after needs work. Now I have "stress being the curse of modern society".
I feel the 2nd text is a little too neutral but I want it to address the viewer. I thought of a more direct text like "we all can forget under stress". Something along this way but better :)

I'd be happy for any good advice.

Here is the link to the clip to watch in order to get a better feel of what could work text-wise https://vimeo.com/330723049

Thank you so much in advance

Leonardo Cariglino
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RESPONSES

  • Posted by Mike Steffes on 6/25/2019 at 8:04 AM Accepted
    In today's fast moving society, it's too easy to forget.
    Take a moment to gather yourself...take a moment to remember.
  • Posted by Jay Hamilton-Roth on 6/25/2019 at 8:26 AM Member
    Are you looking for a call to action phrase ("Check Twice") or a general warning ("Distraction Can Be Fatal") or something else?

    Aside: The statistic shown didn't connect to the story - I didn't see a child in a car. What was I missing?
  • Posted by mgoodman on 6/25/2019 at 2:07 PM Moderator
    I don't quite get it. Was there supposed to be a child in the car?

    Isn't the point supposed to be that we need to be alert and aware of the moment ... every moment ... because it's too easy to become distracted? If so, then the second line should probably speak to "being in the moment" and not allowing our minds to wander.
  • Posted by lcariglino on 6/30/2019 at 4:54 AM Author
    thank you for your comments. I appreciate the insights and perspectives. I found the direction I was looking for through some brainstorms and the first answer. Thanks so much. I'll be sure coming back to this great platform.
    Best Leonardo Cariglino
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