Question

Topic: Copywriting

Need Advice

Posted by c_gabriel99 on 5/13/2012 at 5:30 PM ET 500 Points
We are a health care consulting company that assists PCP and GYN offices establish an in-office incontinence center that specializes in conservative treatment over medications and surgery. We have written some copy for a brochure and need some help. Our main goals that we want doctors to take away are that this is an effective therapy that has no side effects and that it significantly increases office revenues (covered by insurance).

Feel free to be critical.

INSIDE LEFT:
Incontinence Quick Facts
Did you know that…
- Over 33 million men and women have bladder control problems?
- 17% of men and 38% of women endure urinary incontinence?
- 16% of men and 16.9% of women deal with an overactive bladder?
- Women alone are willing to pay nearly $1,400 a year for treatment?
Continence treatment represents a major component of healthcare that will only
increase as the American population ages – which means more of your patients will
need some form of continence treatment in the future.
For your practice, this means opportunity – opportunity to provide much-needed
treatment to your patients and generate a new revenue stream for your facility.
How? Through The Bladder Center, an ancillary service offered by MedWealth Alliance!
INSIDE MIDDLE:
Earn More and Grow Your Practice With The Bladder Center!
The Bladder Center (TBC) is an innovative ancillary service option for any medical service
provider who wants to treat patients dealing with incontinence and other bladder control
issues. Integrated into your office, TBC provides a non-invasive incontinence therapy solution
that doesn’t require pads, surgery, or medicines – and results in an 85% improvement rate
within a matter of weeks.
TBC is seamless, effective, and profitable. Plus, our consulting services train your staff on processing, testing, and treatment – delivering solutions from your office
so that your patients are treated and you get paid.
No other continence solution on the market is as safe, easy, and profitable. No other solution takes care of incontinence with as much success. No other solution helps you grow your profit.

Find the right solution today -with TBC and MedWealth Alliance!

INSIDE RIGHT:
Helping You Give Your Patients What They Want
MedWeatlh Alliance is committed to your success. That is why we have a simple, streamlined process to help you deliver the treatment to your patients that they want and need, in your office!

After all, patients:
- Want to be treated by you
- Do not want surgery with its known complications
- Do not want to deal with costly medicines with side effects
- Want proven solutions that boost their quality of life

With MedWealth Alliance by your side, you can accomplish all of that and more.

Contact us at [PHONE] or [EMAIL] to learn more about this intelligent approach to simplified patient care with a process that works.
OUTSIDE LEFT
 Improve patient health
 Grow practice revenues
 Add a new service
With The Bladder Center, an in-demand ancillary service from medical consulting firm MedWealth Alliance, all the above and more are possible for your practice.

Interested in learning more? Keep reading – a new opportunity awaits!

OUTSIDE MIDDLE
[Logo/graphic]
[Contact information]

OUTSIDE RIGHT:
Cure Incontinence
Grow Your Practice
Treat Your Patients
Only with TBC: The Bladder Center From Medwealth Alliance
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RESPONSES

  • Posted on 5/13/2012 at 6:47 PM Accepted
    The copy begins by stating facts that the medical profession is well aware of. That is condescending and is a put-off.

    B2B mailings are VERY difficult to get right, in that the copy can tend towards a consumer mailing.

    The most important aspect of your product is stated in your message to us: "this is an effective therapy that has no side effects ... it significantly increases office revenues (covered by insurance)."

    I can rewrite your copy to make it relevant to a B2B audience, but that would take around half a day. My advice is to get a good copywriter you already have contact with, someone you can trust to create a good business mailing from your copy.

    Good luck with this. You don't really need advice - you need a business copywriter. It is not easy to jump from consumer to business sales - which is what this is.

    As for what you should pay, don't forget what a good medical sales person costs in salary and benefits! Your letter is a sales person in print..

    Peter
  • Posted on 5/13/2012 at 8:53 PM Accepted
    Your question requires a skilled and experienced copywriter/marketer to look critically at what you've done. It also depends importantly on the design and graphics that integrate with the text.

    There is no way we can give you the kind of input you need in a few snippets of comments on text-only. You'd be well served to do as Peter Hobday has suggested and hire a professional to put this together for you.

    Either post a project in the Hire an Expert section of this website, or look through the profiles of some of the leading experts and contact them directly if you think they might be right for the assignment.
  • Posted by c_gabriel99 on 5/14/2012 at 1:10 PM Author
    Thank you ALL for your reply.

    I do not need you to re-write anything for me, I have a professional copy writer however now I am doubting their "professionalism". I was desiring your opinions because an actual copy-writer wrote this copy and I wanted you to feel free to be critical. I was not happy with this copy that was written for my brochure so I desired a group of their peers to critique their work.

    So basically the advise that I have to take away from your expertise is to hire another professional copy writer.

    Anything else?

    Does this copy have ANY of the makings of good copy for a consulting firm to physicians?
  • Posted on 5/14/2012 at 1:18 PM Member
    Yes - for me, the words have the content to reach your professional audience. With a re-write it would work. But most copywriters would want to start from the beginning from their own perspective.

    Re-writiing, or rescuing copy is another different specialist task!

    Good new copy would work better. But a re-write would bring in response too - just less.

    Peter

  • Posted by c_gabriel99 on 5/14/2012 at 1:23 PM Author
    Thanks Peter. They are working on a re-write right now and I will post for your opinion once I have it.

    I just MAY have to hire another...
  • Posted on 5/14/2012 at 1:38 PM Member
    Just tell your copywriter guy not to tell the doctors what their job is!

    Peter
  • Posted on 5/14/2012 at 2:23 PM Moderator
    And less focus on how the doctors will make more money as a result of the product/service. While making money is certainly attractive to physicians, they like to think that their primary objective is serving patients and delivering healthy outcomes.

    A simple reassurance that this is "covered by Medicare and most insurance" should be adequate to get the message across.

    Additional thought: For brochures like this, you should probably have the graphics/layout and copy developed hand-in-glove. It should be an interactive project for the copywriter and the art director. Otherwise you end up with too much copy because the copywriter wants to say it all, while the reader really just wants a few images and a headline thought or two.

    You communicate more when there are fewer words and fewer points you try to get across. If you can just give them a single headline thought, with 2 or 3 supporting points, they are more likely to read it than if you point the fire hose at them. And don't discount the importance of graphics. More people will notice and remember the graphics than the words you use.
  • Posted on 5/14/2012 at 2:30 PM Moderator
    I obviously don't know the full background on the project, or on your relationship with the copywriter, but very often the problem isn't with the copywriter per se, but with the creative brief he/she was given.

    Articulating the objective and the communication strategy are the client's responsibility. When you leave those things up to the copywriter, you're looking for trouble. The really important document is the Creative Brief. (And a really professional copywriter won't take an assignment without a tight Creative Brief.)

    I know this because I have been hired several times to prepare the Creative Brief for creative projects. There are even copywriters and art directors who refer clients to me because they know that without a good Creative Brief everything becomes subjective -- and there are no standards by which to evaluate their work.
  • Posted by c_gabriel99 on 5/14/2012 at 3:40 PM Author
    I was actually thinking that I provided too much information in the creative brief. I believe that I more than enough conveyed my objective but I also expect the creative team to guide that process with the copy.

    I also explained that I wanted graphics that would speak for the project and not have loads of copy. Simple bullet points with graphs and process charts is what I envisioned...and pics.

    I am just frustrated because I feel that the brief that I sent (that wasn't so brief) was simply taken then in almost verbatim copy (in areas) was sent back to me for approval.

    Is it too much to expect a true creative piece based on the detailed information that was provided to complete the project? This is the 2nd time I hired a copy writer for a similar brochure and the results have been the same....disappointing.
  • Posted on 5/14/2012 at 4:18 PM Member
    A good brief is important. But I would only hire a copywriter who can show you effective work for a B2B audience. And as no-one except the client knows how well the piece did (and even he may not know) that will be the second thing to do - find out if it brought any business in.

    This is a big and lucrative market. There have probably been industry creative awards that you can look at, complete with names of the creative guys. Look at medical magazine subscription marketers. They will know exactly how well their work did - to the last $$$.

    That is not always the case, however, and it brings me to a not-so-funny story: I once created the launch pack for a dentistry magazine. My fee was partly based on the number of subs it brought in. The subs bureau gave me a figure -- completely different from the client's figure, which was much lower! Accurate response figures are often hard to come by ...
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