Question

Topic: Customer Behavior

Fitness Landing Page Critique

Posted by Colette on 7/2/2013 at 10:31 PM ET 125 Points
First. Thanks for taking the time to read this and contribute your suggestions.
I run an online webinar website company that offers my unique fitness and rehab program called Wall Yoga.

I've put together a landing page hoping to collect contact information (and eventually customers.)

Here is the landing page:
https://p1.pagewiz.net/Beauty and Brains 1

Could you please critique my landing page and then sign up (for free) to view the proceeding pages of my free exercise video.

I truly appreciate any ideas or suggestions on how I can improve this presentation to get results.

My goal is to gradually build trust with my subscribers through emails and lead them into purchasing my online fitness and rehab programs.

Thank you in advanced! Colette
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RESPONSES

  • Posted by Moriarty on 7/3/2013 at 3:35 AM Accepted
    Colette, it's nice to see you again. Firstly, your stuff does work. I'm not past the first stage - only it got me thinking (or more to the point NOT thinking). Doing your first exercise I had to count five breaths. I kept finding that by the number three I'd forgotten how many breaths I'd taken. It was a little disconcerting. Nevertheless if you understand something of human/animal consciousness you'll know why this has happened.

    Anyway, for me it's the "keep those shoulders down" ;-)

    A few questions first: how are you garnering visitors?

    My second thought is to run a split test on this - the "A/B" style of thing to find out what your customers think.

    I'd make way more use of "Let Colette show you how" - have that as the headline and your other one as the subscript on a test page. OR "Look, think and feel amazing" For myself as a copywriter I'd have more text - after all the search-engines can't watch videos, so their only steer is what you put into words that describe your videos.

    On the whole I'd say it was an extremely good landing page as it ticks most of the copywriter's issues. That is to say, it tells people who you are and answers their questions. All you need to do is put it in writing for the search engines - and refine it to meet your customer's needs.

    Over to you!
  • Posted by Colette on 7/3/2013 at 6:10 AM Author
    Hello Moriarty!

    Thank you.
    I found myself holding my breath as I'm reading your critique lol! I've put a lot of time into this and was worried that it wasn't going to "fly" with the Sharks here at MarkeingProfs. :)

    I'm relieved that you "got it".

    I did set up a split test but will make the changes as you have suggested above.
    I have a good SEO expert that will help me optimize this.
    Yes, indeed. More text.

    Ahhh, I can breath. Can I dare to say that this presentation is somewhat "approved"? (without having to rebuild from scratch.)

    Love, love, love your support! Thanks again Moriarty for your time.

    ps. keep those shoulders down. lol

    Colette



  • Posted by Colette on 7/3/2013 at 4:38 PM Author
    I can't find where to edit my questions above. My link to the landing page has changed to this:
    https://www.beautyandbrainswellness.com

    Please let me know if I can edit my question so I can add this link. Thanks!
  • Posted by Jay Hamilton-Roth on 7/3/2013 at 5:13 PM Member
    I can't access your page - perhaps it's because of the spaces in the URL?
  • Posted by Colette on 7/3/2013 at 5:25 PM Author
    Sorry. See above your comment. Here it is. :)
    Www.beautyandbrainswellness.com
  • Posted by Jay Hamilton-Roth on 7/3/2013 at 6:41 PM Accepted
    A few thoughts:
    - The PageWiz trial cheapens your presentation. I don't want to see their branding on your page.
    - The landing page is about "Beauty & Brains", yet it doesn't seem to me that you make the leap from the "promise" to the "solution"
    - The video is too long, and slide 3 doesn't improve your presentation. If you promise the secret, then focus your message first on the problem your audience is likely face, then mention why you have the solution, and then ask for contact info to get the secret.
    - I entered a name/email address, and was stuck in "Sending Data..." mode, and never could see the video
    - After Sue's testimonial - I see a black bar in the "balloon" (running Firefox).
  • Posted by Colette on 7/3/2013 at 6:55 PM Author
    Ok. Got this Jay.
    Back to work. Thank you for your time!

    Colette

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