Question

Topic: Advertising/PR

Brochure Mockups Feedback

Posted by saratogahiker on 5/4/2017 at 9:47 AM ET 125 Points
I posted about this brochure a few weeks ago and received some great feedback. I've since made updates to the brochure and am looking for additional feedback.

https://helderbergwebworks.com/_client_staging/sdp/

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RESPONSES

  • Posted by mgoodman on 5/4/2017 at 1:02 PM Accepted
    Much improved.

    Still could use a little more help:

    1. Long sentences and paragraphs are off-putting and difficult to read/absorb. For example, there is a single sentence with 45 words! (See Concept and Product Analysis section.) And some paragraphs with more than a dozen lines of type! (See McCulloch's bio.) People are unlikely to even try to struggle with those, so they are missed opportunities.

    2. Images are mostly dark, drab, and not really about the *people* in them. Can't even see faces! It would be hard for prospective clients to look at the brochure and point to the person who represents THEM. The human body parts in the pictures are really just props for holding tools, not depictions of the happy/satisfied clients.

    3. The text uses first-person way too much. Lots of WE and OUR. That makes the brochure seem like it's all about YOU and what you do. Better if you can focus instead on how a client would benefit. Shift the focus to THEM and their needs, how THEY will be better off.

    Hope this helps.
  • Posted by saratogahiker on 5/4/2017 at 4:28 PM Author
    Thanks for the comments mgoodman. I've made some updates for further review. I updated a little of the text and replaced some of the images. I didn't touch the bio text; I will let the team make edits per the feedback.

    Note, some of the WE text includes the client. A big part of the message is that we (SDP and the client) are working together to bring the client's idea to fruition.
  • Posted by mgoodman on 5/5/2017 at 9:22 AM Moderator
    Note, some of the WE text includes the client. A big part of the message is that we (SDP and the client) are working together to bring the client's idea to fruition.

    Let the client feel like the hero. SDP just pitches in to make life easier (and tackle those aspects of the project that would require know-how, skill-sets or time the client doesn't have).

    Don't take the project away from the client or try to become a "partner." Be a behind-the-scenes helper who doesn't need or want any credit.
  • Posted by mgoodman on 5/5/2017 at 1:38 PM Moderator
    New pics are much better. The one on the cover (page 1) still needs to be replaced. It looks like heavy metalworking.

    Shorter copy and bullet points are definitely more inviting, easier to read.
  • Posted by cookmarketing@gmail. on 5/5/2017 at 10:42 PM Accepted
    My first look-see...sweet.

    Following Mr Goodman: still to wordy; everyone skims reading nowadays. Take a good long look as the latest 6 months of TV ads...some now down to 3-5 seconds...and still complete their narrative.

    I understand it is basically a b2b brochure; but some how (mandatory) this needs some emotional WOW with the reader. The proper term this year is Content Marketing <> turn that into you telling a story.

    More saving lives vs product criteria. They are coming to you; so your story should hook'em...that you will help them save lives.

    You want to save lives; we do too. Here's how: continue the story while building that emotional tie which leads to drawing your potential client as a friend/guest that you will help - saving lives
  • Posted by Jay Hamilton-Roth on 5/6/2017 at 9:48 PM Accepted
    Some thoughts:
    * Are there any examples of the types of work/products they've done already? Right now what I read is hypothetical. Show me what they've been able to accomplish.

    * It's still a disconnect starting with a blacksmith picture to a white-room like atmosphere for all other images.

    * I'm not understand what specifically sets SDP apart from others that offer similar services.
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