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Topic: Website Critique

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This question has been answered, and points have been awarded.

Working On A Landing Page For My Documentary

Posted by mc.hall on 25 Points
Hey Guys,

I'm producing a documentary about entrepreneurship and small business. We were lucky enough to interview Andrew Warner from Mixergy, John Lee Dumas from EO Fire, and Pat Flynn to name a few.

We're currently editing and putting everything together. I'm tweaking the landing page and would love to get your thoughts:

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
  • Posted by Jay Hamilton-Roth on Accepted
    It's not obvious at first blush who you're targeting or why they should sign up. How would someone find this landing page at all?
  • Posted by Gary Bloomer on Accepted
    Unless you change the overall content, the bounce rate on this page will be sky high.

    What's the page about? I have no clue.

    You need a short, compelling, concise, engaging headline.

    You need to cut the copy down from 214 words to no more than a handful of SHORT bullet points, and you need a much stronger call to action, AND a bigger pay off for me giving you my email address.
  • Posted by mgoodman on Accepted
    Too much copy. No call to action. Benefit for site visitor is not obvious. All of these are critical faults. Start over with a clear vision of what you want people to do and how that action will benefit them.
  • Posted by alexa on Accepted
    You need a headline - something that makes it glaringly obvious what this is and who it's for. Then (as mentioned by Gary previously), a few short bullet points describing how I'll benefit from watching the documentary. Lastly, your "keep me posted" call to action lacks any conviction.

    If you need help with the copy, let me know.
  • Posted by Shelley Ryan on Moderator
    Hi Everyone,

    I am closing this question since there hasn't been much recent activity.

    Thanks for participating!


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