Question

Topic: Copywriting

Need Help With A Compelling, Catchy Headline

Posted by Anonymous on 5/8/2009 at 9:52 AM ET 250 Points
I have a catering co and want to do a post card mailing to corp clients within the Philadelphia metro area. The post card will be highlighting our box lunches/box lunch service and will show a beauty shot of our box lunches on the front of the card. I need a catchy and compelling headline to go with it that will make people at least turn it over and read more. Will provide a frequent buyer program most likely on the back. Anyway, I love buzz words, catchy lines, etc (like think inside the box, a square meal, etc)...But is that enough to get corp America to respond. We're looking for new business with this. We offer, convenience, quality, low cost, and variety. Any suggestions?

Thanks so much in advance!

PS - If interested we will also need two 8 1/2 x 11" ads that need to be written as well and would pay for this additional assistance if interested. Just provide a means of contact.
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RESPONSES

  • Posted by Jay Hamilton-Roth on 5/9/2009 at 8:40 AM Accepted
    Boxed In For Lunch Choices?
    Lunch Gotten Boring?
    Lunches To Inspire You
    Brain Fuel That Tastes Good

    To answer your question, it's unlikely that your single postcard to people who don't know you is likely to get them to contact you. At best, it'll be put on the employee bulletin board. You need to ensure that the right person gets the card and you give them a reason to contact you NOW (not just file the card for sometime later). You need an offer ("Enter today to win free lunch for your team", etc.).
  • Posted on 5/9/2009 at 9:56 AM Author
    Thank you both...I agree with both instances and your correct there is no guarantee which side will be face up when it arrives. However I would like to have some type of catchy even buzz word type of heading on the front for when they do look at that side or hang it in the lunch room. I love the offer idea too. Perhaps there's a way to tie that into a catchy headline...Maybe that even ties in with our frequent buyer club. We used a headline once: Helping You Make Ends Eat" Kind of a play on words that related to businesses looking for an affordable catering solution.
    Thanks!
  • Posted by mgoodman on 5/9/2009 at 7:36 PM Accepted
    Phil's point about clear communication of your benefit message or special offer is right on. "Catchy" doesn't usually sell.

    The three things direct marketers look at as critical success factors are (1) copy, (2) offer, and (3) list. All three of them have to be right.

    If possible, you need to narrow your target audience as much as you can. Just get your message across to a limited number of hot prospects ... that you've researched and carefully identified.

    It's better to land 100% of a smaller audience than a small fraction of one percent of a large one. Once you've learned the approach that works with your smaller target audience, you can experiment with reaching another, then another. Much better than trying to be all things to all people right off the bat, before you have any clue as to what will work and what won't.
  • Posted on 5/11/2009 at 8:29 AM Author
    Great advice! Thank you! The idea of going with something like: "Enter today to win free lunch for your team" may not work exactly since I am not asking anyone to enter anything. I would like to offer a frequent buyer program where they save a certain amount off their first order of a certain amount....Then a larger savings off their second order...And even more off a third order. So this isn't really "entering". How would you position a headline around that on the front of the post card? The info for this frequent buyer program would be on the back. Maybe something like: "When you think lunch, think inside the box, and Save Big" OR "A Square Deal on A Square Meal" - And then of course we would show the beauty shot of the box lunch on the front.
    Thank you!
  • Posted on 5/11/2009 at 8:56 AM Author
    How about: "For Quality, Convenience and Savings With Your Next Lunch Experience…Think Inside The Box!"
  • Posted on 5/11/2009 at 4:02 PM Author
    Phil,
    Appreciate the feedback but do you have any suggestions for rephrasing? I've contacted this forum looking for help from pros like yourself since I lack in this area.
  • Posted by pghpromo on 5/12/2009 at 1:54 AM Accepted
    I do like Jay's "brain fuel" submitted earlier.

    While customers might certainly enjoy "quality, convenience, savings," your headline is not necessarily the best place to tout all that. Stringing all those words together creates the visual equivalent of a mouthful -- LOL, no pun intended.

    I've got additional ideas posted below for a headline. Regardless of your final selection, maybe include a subheader like, "A cost-saving business lunch offer for YOU." Then on your data side where you describe your program, keep it all high-level:
    "Keeping your office team well-fed at
    lunch is now as easy as 1-2-3!
    1-First order 20% off!
    2-Second order 30% off!
    3-Third order 50% off!"
    Then reference some features/benefits RE: quality, convenience, time-savings, cost-savings. quality product, limited time sign-up offer, etc.

    I do recommend those 6x9 postcards where they are mailed with a matching fridge magnet attached right to the front. Your lunch box beauty shot could be composed to accommodate its position. This would allow you to send "dimensional mail" at a card rate without expense/trouble of envelopes. And recipient gets to keep your contact data handy on office fridge or file cabinet.

    Some more headline ideas:

    * Feel the love, Philadelphia!
    * Your business is different. Your lunch should be, too.
    * Eat like you mean it!
    * Your business is special. So eat special!
    * Lunch Special.
    * When is a box more than a box?
    * It's lunchtime somewhere.
    * Time for a REAL lunch meeting.
    * Take lunch meetings to a whole new level.
    * Your lunch meeting just got upgraded.
    * Special delivery to an office near you.
    * Inside this special box is....
    * Enjoy working through lunch. Really.
    * Think work think lunch think [company name]
    * Lunch on the brain? Think [company name]
    * The lunch box for adults.
    * When it comes to lunch delivery, YOU are the boss!
    * REAL lunches for REAL business.
    * Team lunch? WE DELIVER!

    Do put me on your short list for developing ads with you, if that's still open. Happy to send samps. Contact data in profile.

    --- Paul
  • Posted on 5/12/2009 at 8:50 AM Author
    Paul, Some great ideas there! Thanks much for the ideas! Will certainly keep you on the short list.
  • Posted on 5/12/2009 at 1:45 PM Accepted
    I take it that you deliver these boxed lunches? If so I would highlight the fact that the worker need not leave their desk and that their time will be saved. I agree with one of the above posters that it is not always necessary or the most succesful tactic to get bogged down with clever puns and quips. The fact is, your beauty shot should garner the most interest - one suggestion would be to go very simply with - Hungry?

    Alternatively:

    Busy? We're on our way.
    You wrap up the deal - we'll wrap up your lunch.
    Brain Storming - not Stomach Growling.
    No need to skip lunch...

    I think I like 'You wrap up the deal - well wrap up your lunch' best.

    Good luck.
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