Know-How Exchange : Copywriting

Have you tried contacting a few of your targeted businesses and ask them why they weren't attracted by your email? Are they suspicious of your claims? Did it not pass their spam filter? Is there another (more trusted) company doing energy audits? Are you emailing the correct person in the organization? Have you tried split-testing your emails (send same emails to everyone, but have different subject lines for each)? Did people open the email and not click-through or was it not even opened?

Jay has interesting points. You are looking at adjusting messaging, where I read this and was also questioning whether the emails were being received by the right person or not. If they are going to the wrong person, then it would make sense that you aren't getting interest. If it doesn't make it past spam filters, that also would be an explanation.

Is the email set up such that you can see how many people have opened the email? This would be good to know. Some email blast programs allow you to know this. Sometimes it can be set by including a photo or image that would have to be loaded (so the actual image is not included with the email, just a way to call it from the web) and you can see how many times that image is opened (meaning the email has been opened). If you find the email is not being opened at all, then it is more likely the message isn't making it past spam filters. If opened and no one follows up, then your messaging or targeting is off.

Hi guys,

The list looks really good. I think the contacts should be good and I''m looking into the reporting to see how many emails were opened on past blasts.. thanks so much for that..

So.. any suggestions for subject lines?

Thanks so much!

- No-Risk Solution to Cut Your Energy Bills in Half
- Save Up to 80% on Lighting Bills Without Replacing Fixtures
- A real solution to end rising energy costs
- Concerned about rising energy bills? We can help
- Free energy audit can save you 80%!

Yawn. Sounds like the same uninteresting subject lines offered on every other email in my Junk Email Folder. Unbelievable / unsubstantiated / non-attention getting.

Step One - get their attention - would you at least start reading these?

- Cricket Milk - Learn How to Milk a Cricket
- Puppies Need Your Help Fast - Five Goldens
- Man finds $25,000 in Strip Club Ceiling
- Barack and Michelle's East Lawn Heated Argument

Get cleaver and weave a story - (Man finds $25,000 in Strip Club Ceiling) - Herb Crenshaw, of Acme Widget Company was curious about a bulge in the ceiling above his table at the Raging Stallion, a Dallas gentleman's club. He started investigating the odd bulge that was bending the ceiling tile down and found. . . click to continue reading (which takes them to your web site to continue the tale). . . . . .that bulge was the sack of money your company wastes every year . . . . .

Latest Fad - Cricket Milking - Learn How to Milk a Cricket. I never thought it could even begin to be true but cricket milking is the latest craze to hit college campuses since Facebook. We're not talking Jiminy Cricket here - we're talking those creepy crawlies. So here's the amazing secret to milk. . . click to continue reading (which takes them to your web site to continue the tale). . . . . that icky cricket you've cornered in your kitchen for everything it has. First get a milking stool and a thimble, and pencil and paper. Now, write down these instructions so you don't hurt the cricket. . . . . .

Also be sure your email list is decision makers, is opt-in and current.

Thanks AdsValueBob.. now we''re getting closer.. but I don''t think milking crickets or strip clubs is exactly what my boss had in mind...

Any other SUBJECT LINE suggestions anyone?

I guess I should have posted this in the copywriting section, huh?

Thanks so much!

I hear you there - that why bosses should lead (set goals, provide you the environment for you to be successful, and get out of the way) and marketing / advertising people generate interest and the other things we do.

With the avalanche of emails we receive every day, your message needs to stand out to get people to look at it. I rarely get past the Sent By address to even look at a subject line. If I don't recognize the sender - 99% of the time its Adios to that email. A quick scan of subject lines may pique my interest.

Good luck - going to find some crickets.

Bob

Thanks so much everyone!!! That was a big help! I love this community!