Question

Topic: Copywriting

Grammatical Expert Needed

Posted by Anonymous on 4/18/2014 at 12:43 AM ET 25 Points
The following sentence does not look or sound right to me, but I can't pinpoint the problem and don't know how to make it better.

>> If someone is causing you stress, you need skills to handle both them and yourself <<

I know there are lots of grammatical experts out there. Any suggestions for improvement please?
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RESPONSES

  • Posted on 4/18/2014 at 7:26 AM Member
    If another person is causing you to feel stressed, you need to have appropriate skills to be able to handle them, as well as your responses to them.
  • Posted by Jay Hamilton-Roth on 4/18/2014 at 8:29 AM Member
    If someone is causing you to feel stressed, you need to skillfully handle them and yourself.
  • Posted by Gary Bloomer on 4/18/2014 at 9:26 AM Member
    We'll teach you how to manage yourself when you encounter stressful people and stressful situations.
  • Posted by mgoodman on 4/18/2014 at 8:55 PM Accepted
    For me the biggest problem is the mismatch between SOMEONE (singular) and THEM (plural). Then it seems even more awkward when THEM is followed by YOURSELF (reflexive) instead of YOU.

    Further, the use of "both" suggests two people, but it is followed by the plural "them" PLUS "yourself," implying that there are more than two.

    If I were the editor on this I would definitely find a way to reword it. Grammar purists will recognize the awkwardness and not be able to focus on the real meaning of what you want to communicate.
  • Posted by mgoodman on 4/19/2014 at 8:55 AM Moderator
    Last version is clear, though long.

    As for the substance of what you're saying, I'm having a problem with the concept that someone else can cause you stress. I've always held that only YOU can cause stress in yourself. The others just bring it to your consciousness or trigger it in some way. When you say, "someone is causing you stress" you effectively cede power to them (over you) that undermines your own self-control.
  • Posted by tcgren on 4/20/2014 at 5:50 AM Member
    I agree with mgoodman that you need to have the active focus on the individual him/herself, not on others. You will rarely (or never?) be able to change them, so you have to change yourself. Stephen Covey covers this well.

    If someone is causing you stress, you need skills to handle it. (Or handle the situation)
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