Question

Topic: Copywriting

Promotion Of New Technology To Edible Oil Refiners

Posted by Anonymous on 12/12/2004 at 1:16 PM ET 500 Points
This is a follow on from a post of mine last July/August concerning a project to introduce patented industrial technology into the edible oils processing industry. Since that post discussion, which concerned the drafting of a covering letter for an Equity Offer Statement to venture capital firms, the project was withdrawn.

The project was withdrawn as the inventor of the patented technology came up with a further invention, which was then written into the business plan. In the previous post, Virago, Simon. SRyan, Michele, Vevolution and Inbox Interactive all provided me with useful information.

In particular, shareholders accepted SRyan’s advice about the proposed name for the operating company, and agreed to a name change to DryTech Edible-Oils Ltd. The shareholders also acted on advice from Vevolution & Inbox Interactive who encouraged us to first establish a marketplace presence through sales before again seeking equity funds. Some seed capital was obtained, and I am presently trying to attract edible oil producing companies to use the technologies.

I have sent the letter below to a number of edible oil producers with the objective of initiating one to one discussions about the target companies using the technologies in their plants. I am having only limited success. My response rate is only about 5%, and frankly, in view of the possible financial benefits to edible oil producers, this has surprised me. The letter was directed to Chief Executives and/or Plant Engineers. Both officers are knowledgeable about the technicalities of edible oil processing.

We do face the difficulty that the first recruit is always the hardest to get. The DRP technology, the major invention, has been tested in a commercially operating refinery during its development process. Unfortunately, the test company ran into difficulties (unrelated to its oil processing activities) and was sold. The new owners were not financially able to fund a permanent installation.

To date, we have not been able to set up a company as a template example. We are naturally prepared to offer attractive arrangements to any company expressing interest in order to get the project off the ground. Unfortunately, the application of the technology has to be specifically designed for the particular plant, which means that the equipment required must be specially fabricated, so it is difficult to do any background work in advance.

I would therefore be most grateful if KHE colleagues could perhaps not only comment on the text of the letter, but also redraft those portions that are most in need of surgery.

Any other advice on the overall situation will also be very useful.

Please note that this post is being submitted in two sections for technical reasons.

Many thanks in anticipation,

chiron34

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RESPONSES

  • Posted by Inbox_Interactive on 12/12/2004 at 4:57 PM Accepted
    A 5% response rate is not bad. However, if all you're trying to do with this letter is initiate a more one-on-one conversation, I'd do five things.

    1. Shorten this letter dramatically. I think you're spending too much time talking about the technology and process (features) and not enough time on the benefits. I'd focus on the reduction in production cost.

    2. Use shorter sentences. Shorter sentences create a feeling of urgency.

    3. Highlight the fact that you will get paid only from the cost savings. This is HUGE. It shows that you are putting your money where your mouth is.

    4. Lose the paragraph about how you are searching for equity capital. Customers don't want to know that you are looking for funding to expand your operation. They want to feel that you're already rock solid. Also, you shouldn't give the reader more than one path to go down. If you want to make a sale, ask for a sale. If you want equity capital, ask for equity capital. Don't ask for both.

    5. Use a P.S. at the bottom. Even in b-to-b letters, I think a P.S. is important. People just about always read the P.S., even if they don't read the whole letter. In that P.S. you would restate that you can cut their production costs and get paid only if you deliver these cost savings.

    If you feel strongly that you must include this additional detail, I believe that it belongs in a brochure, not a letter.

    Also, if you are waiting for people to call you, I think you'll be waiting a long time. You might try following up with these people proactively as opposed to waiting for your own phone to ring. If your marketing efforts are left to sending mail and waiting for people to call, you're losing the majority of your potential customers.

    Hope this helps. Looking forward to other comments.

    Paul

  • Posted by SRyan ;] on 12/13/2004 at 6:50 AM Accepted
    At the risk of repeating the advice from Paul and Michele...

    If you've already sent this letter out, definitely send a new one, MUCH shorter. Do NOT close it with, "I look forward to your response."

    YOU need to call THEM after sending this. Close the letter with, "I will follow up with you next week to explore a project with you." (Something like that.) Then CALL that guy.

    Getting the first customer is never easy.

    One thing my company did was to throw a launch event -- we had breakfast treats catered in, we invited our biggest fans (bankers, product developers, advisors) and a dozen potential clients, and we did a good presentation (NOT death by powerpoint) and a compellling demo. The "beta" customer we signed up that morning is still with us today!

    - Shelley
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