Topic: Copywriting

Can Someone Offer Feedback?

Posted by Anonymous on 250 Points
After reading one article I wrote this initial paragraph to use (possibly) for an email... thoughts?

After five years of teaching art in a public high school I’ve finally got it together. When I first started teaching I found file cabinets full of projects and handouts left behind and a number of books that included lessons, but I’ve found nothing as complete as what we’ve put together in these products.

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  • Posted by chough on Member
    Great paragraph, but maybe not great for the first paragraph. Ok, its an introduction, but it's about YOU. YOU'VE got it together. When YOU started teaching, YOU found all these projects. Great for relevant, specific, believeable back-up, but I think your opening paragraph should talk directly to your customers - talk about THEM, and about benefits to THEM straight off - keep their inerest, and they'll make it to your second paragraph!

    PS. I think I understood the drift of your question, but some context would have made it a bit clearer!
  • Posted by adammjw on Member

    What's behind your thoughts? I understand you sorted some things out and made them better but what does it mean to your prospective readers? What's the use for them?
    It makes no difference to your readers how long it took somebody to come up with a concept, what does matter is benefits they can get from it, whatever they might be.
    Your paragraph sheds no light on it, sorry.

  • Posted by adammjw on Member
    Then again if you think abt. marketing then you have to adopt consistent approach to it throughout the whole process.It means following:
    -analysis of your competitive surroundings- what's beeing offered by your competition and to what extent it answers the needs of your customers-students
    -what are the needs and expectations of your prospective students
    -in what way your expertise and qualifications can answer those unmet needs and expectations of your prospects and even exceed them to delight your public
    - how you are going to position your own brand as teacher to enhance your offering
    - what means and ways of communication you decide to choose in order to reach your students to be.


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